MAJOR SPOILER WARNING! I still don't have an official review area so here's a little thought dump. Just saw Project Hail Mary and was absolutely blown away. My mind was spinning the whole time and I was in tears practically the entire second half. As someone long obsessed with what is most simply described as "the indomitable human spirit", this movie, beyond being science fiction, was an incredible study of character and humanity.
 Characters similar to Grace have always had my heart, but to see him also have anxiety, insecurity, and a shit ton of sarcasm covering his skepticism and fragile hope? I felt seen in a way I haven't in ages. He has my entire heart and I can't wait to get into his head in the book.
 Some of my biggest hyperfixations across my teen years have been the golden records and pulsar maps. Humans place in the universe, us being so small, us still being so important, the hope and desperation for connection that prompted the golden records... Project Hail Mary captured it perfectly. The quiet, subtle symbolism tied through both the plot and filmography in this movie was outstanding. The plot twists caught me off guard and yet weren't jarring enought to exhaust me.
 I recommend this movie to everyone, but specifically anyone feeling hopeless in our current world. Outside of that, any intelligent or emotionally intelligent person that feels viscerally out of place in this world, Ryland Grace is for you.

 As I write this, the subject line is empty. I have nothing to say, I just hate the emptiness of the blog. So here's a mini life update.
 What's been happening: I've been sleeping a lot (winter with ME/CFS is not fun). When I'm not asleep I'm either doing schoolwork, reading, coding, or gaming. The senioritis is fully kicked in and I don't give shit about my classes. Surprisingly, I lived through an academic conference and competition last weekend. I thought two nights in a hotel was going to kill me but I'm very proud that it didn't. While there, I got notice that I recieved a scholarship and program invitation that I really wanted, so I'm very excited about that! I am officially commited to college, holy crap. New insufferable STEM major incoming.
 What is happening: Right at this moment I'm hurting my eardrums with Noah Kahan, waiting on the new The Pitt episode to drop. I am coding instead of doing the things I need to be doing--fish tank maitenance, buying a prom dress, homework.
 What I'm looking forward to: I have a lot coming up which is exciting and nervewracking! Getting busy in spring is always a bit stressful for me as I try to avoid energy crashes but I would always rather do something than not. This weekend, I'm seeing Project Hail Mary which I am VERY excited for. Next week, spring break, I'll be in Chicago with my family for three days, then volunteering for two days, then visiting my new campus, and THEN seeing Zach Bryan in concert. All fun and exciting things but jeez, let's space it out a bit. After that, AP testing, prom, graduation. Adulthood is coming up, not sure how I feel about that. I'm trying to take it one step at a time.
 I'm definitely in a period of change right now, but this website has been a little safe space for me. My therapist loves it, so that's a plus. That's all I've got for now, hope everybody else is also taking the changing of seasons with the cautious optimism they deserve.

 It is January 26, not the first, but I've had a lot going on so I'm writing about the new year now. I'm not the biggest fan of new years; I tend to get overwhelmed by a lot of things and let a lot of emotion through. In fact, the reason there are so few blog posts here are because I tend to cling to the present... aggressively. Writing everything out involves looking at it, but I like looking back at these so: hi future em! anyway, this new years was calm and collected. relatively, at least, since i had a crisis last New Years Eve. Anyway, this time, I have a few updates for myself and resolutions!
 Updates: Senior year is going well! Most days attended of any year of high school. After an appointment with my surgeon 2 days ago, I'm going to be keeping my Broviac tunneled line instead of switching to a port, which is unfortunate but the best thing for my body. My surgeon did hit me with a "It's always your decision." though which did crazy things for my brain. Any congenitally ill person knows we are attuned to every doctor's opinion from childhood but I'm working on it. Speaking of that, I'm continuing working through C-PTSD and OCD stuff with my therapist which is hard shit but worth it. I should be commiting to a college in the next month which is super scary but also so exciting. A lot of change happening all right now, but I'm ready!
 My resolutions are to be more intentional and to just do more! I'm trying to go to my coffee shop to work at least once a week, and go to the gym once a week as well. My home yoga mat is tired... Other resolution is to become a purse person. I'm always forgetting crap, so I bought a cute purse and im working on bringing it. I feel like an old lady, but it's okay because at least I have a hair tie and my credit card when I need them.
 Okay, that's all I have for now. Good luck to anyone else in this new year! I need 2026 to have as much world change as personal change!

 Eventually, I'll create a review section. For now, I just feel the need to prove I can talk without typing a damn essay (as below). Anyway, HOLY SHIT. The Jasad Heir and The Jasad Crown are my newest 5 star reads. I believe I read them in ~16 hours, and it was far too little. The ending was NOT satisfying, I need a whole other book with all the characters living happily ever after. (Not actually, I love their suffering too much.) I absolutely recommend this duology though. 10/10 for both the fantasy politics and the enemies and lovers. Yes, not enemies to lovers- better!! They don't know if it's love or hate. The best kind if you ask me.

 I wasn't sure if I would add a blog section to Paracosm or not. At its core, this site is supposed to be a collection of what makes me up as a person, not my own interpretation of it. Ironically, the question above that Erikson outlined to be the "existential question" of adolescents is exactly why Paracosm exists.
 I've struggled the last couple of years to not only express myself, but understand what it is I would be expressing. I've been creating my whole life, now to a point that it is instinctual. I needed a creative process that was consious and required intentionality. So... now I can code. Well? No. But I can code!
 I thought that if I started writing in a blog format, it would feel like a desecration of my goal- to create a representation of my being. As a neurodivergent person, I have a way of thought categorization that is... divergent, for lack of an adequate synonym. For me, nothing in life is singular or independent; each concept is linked into a massive web of experience, knowledge, and thought. Nothing exists without an amount of context that is unnerving for most to hear. I want Paracosm to be a representation of that. I need a way to show that.
 So, I wasn't sure about the blog. I wanted to mimic my thought process in any site explorer, which I believe includes allowing them to come to their own conclusions and connections from what they are consuming. What got me to make the blog despite this reservation? I talk too much. That's about it. You can probably already tell that though...