Backyard
Welcome to the Paracosm Project! The Paracosm Project is a series of emails exchanged between me and either friends or (originally) strangers. This is designed to ask others questions that I have explored myself in the creation of this site. Click a stamp to enter a conversation.
Want to join? Email me at monsterousseas@gmail.com.
Want to join? Email me at monsterousseas@gmail.com.
Sick Girl Wants To Know
A reference to and excerpts from the novel Sick Kids In Love, which partially inspired this project.
This probably sounds dumb, but when I was seven my dad gave me one dollar and took me to the library on Greenpoint to get a library card. And it turns out library cards are free--there's a one-dollar replacement fee if you lose it, so he got confused--so I had to give the dollar back to him. But I didn't care, because I had a library card, and that was...I mean, that was the beginning of everything for me. I couldn't believe that I could just pick out any of those books that I wanted. I loved the plastic around them. I loved the sound of the scanner the librarians used. Everything. It was life changing.
--Siobhan O'Brian, 17, future NYU student
You asked Siobhan? Ugh, I bet hers was really deep. Mine's gonna sound stupid. But it was my aunts's hand-me-down makeup, about a year after we moved here. I never wore makeup in Jamaica, but after I got here all my friends were wearing it, so I started messing around with it. And my aunt, she came to visit one time, and I had my face up all nice, y'know. And then the next time she saw me, she came with this whole load of makeup. And it wasn't the same stuff my friends had. Because my friends were white girls. And here comes my aunt, showing me stuff that's actually for me, and I put it on, and all of a sudden...I don't look like I'm trying to be something else. My eyes are shining, my lips are deep, I don't look like a white little princess. I'm a queen. I know it's just makeup, but it also wasn't, y'know?
--Luna Williams, 16, dancer
Can I say enzyme replacement therapy? It's not a funny answer, I know. But...okay, so the way my disease works is basically, my body doesn't make this specific enzyme called glucocerebrosidase--which you learn how to pronounce eventually--which really has one function, helping the cells of your body break down cells that are past their prime. So in most people, your cells gobble up the old cells and everything keeps trucking on. But since I don't make the enzyme, my old cells just stick around, clogging everything up, taking up space, rattling around in my lungs or making my spleen the size of nine spleens or sitting around my bone marrow, keeping me from making red blood cells. There's no cure, but I can get infusions of the enzyme that I'm missing, and that helps things stay at a certain balance. It's still worse some times than others--right now, my spleen is just hanging out all enormous like it wants to get ruptured--and certain things still get to me. If I get sick or hurt, it's like everything just gives up, but the ERT still keeps it more in check than I'd have any hope of it being otherwise. And I still remember the first time I got it when I was four, and I was so sick and had been so sick my whole life, and that was just...even though I was crying at the doctors all the time, I still kind of figured that was just what my life was going to feel like. And I remmeber them hooking up that IV and watching the liquid drip into me that everyone said was going to make me feel so much better. And it's not as if it happened instantaneously. But I kept going, and I kept getting it, and eventually...yeah. I still remember the first morning I woke up and felt like I wasn't drowning. You don't forget that. And that's the best thing anyone could ever give me.
--Sasha Sverdlov-Deckler, 16, Sick Boy
Six hundred dollars.
--Gwen Partridge, 91, lifelong Queens resident
What's the best thing anyone's ever given you?
This probably sounds dumb, but when I was seven my dad gave me one dollar and took me to the library on Greenpoint to get a library card. And it turns out library cards are free--there's a one-dollar replacement fee if you lose it, so he got confused--so I had to give the dollar back to him. But I didn't care, because I had a library card, and that was...I mean, that was the beginning of everything for me. I couldn't believe that I could just pick out any of those books that I wanted. I loved the plastic around them. I loved the sound of the scanner the librarians used. Everything. It was life changing.
--Siobhan O'Brian, 17, future NYU student
You asked Siobhan? Ugh, I bet hers was really deep. Mine's gonna sound stupid. But it was my aunts's hand-me-down makeup, about a year after we moved here. I never wore makeup in Jamaica, but after I got here all my friends were wearing it, so I started messing around with it. And my aunt, she came to visit one time, and I had my face up all nice, y'know. And then the next time she saw me, she came with this whole load of makeup. And it wasn't the same stuff my friends had. Because my friends were white girls. And here comes my aunt, showing me stuff that's actually for me, and I put it on, and all of a sudden...I don't look like I'm trying to be something else. My eyes are shining, my lips are deep, I don't look like a white little princess. I'm a queen. I know it's just makeup, but it also wasn't, y'know?
--Luna Williams, 16, dancer
Can I say enzyme replacement therapy? It's not a funny answer, I know. But...okay, so the way my disease works is basically, my body doesn't make this specific enzyme called glucocerebrosidase--which you learn how to pronounce eventually--which really has one function, helping the cells of your body break down cells that are past their prime. So in most people, your cells gobble up the old cells and everything keeps trucking on. But since I don't make the enzyme, my old cells just stick around, clogging everything up, taking up space, rattling around in my lungs or making my spleen the size of nine spleens or sitting around my bone marrow, keeping me from making red blood cells. There's no cure, but I can get infusions of the enzyme that I'm missing, and that helps things stay at a certain balance. It's still worse some times than others--right now, my spleen is just hanging out all enormous like it wants to get ruptured--and certain things still get to me. If I get sick or hurt, it's like everything just gives up, but the ERT still keeps it more in check than I'd have any hope of it being otherwise. And I still remember the first time I got it when I was four, and I was so sick and had been so sick my whole life, and that was just...even though I was crying at the doctors all the time, I still kind of figured that was just what my life was going to feel like. And I remmeber them hooking up that IV and watching the liquid drip into me that everyone said was going to make me feel so much better. And it's not as if it happened instantaneously. But I kept going, and I kept getting it, and eventually...yeah. I still remember the first morning I woke up and felt like I wasn't drowning. You don't forget that. And that's the best thing anyone could ever give me.
--Sasha Sverdlov-Deckler, 16, Sick Boy
Six hundred dollars.
--Gwen Partridge, 91, lifelong Queens resident
from: Em, to: Caesthoffe
Most recent emails at the top. Check out Caesthoffe at their neocities site here.
from: Caesthoffe
HOW DARE YOU if Wild Berry Skittles has a million fans I'm one of them. If Wild Berry Skittles has one fan it's me. If Wild Berry Skittles has 0 fans I have died. If the world is against Wild Berry Skittles I am against the world.
but regardless: a) a poster with little holes in the corner from where the staples were. and b) i think the fog is necessary, or at least justified in its existence.
and as for the new question (number 3):
I'm someone who cares a lot about preservation and archivism, so I have an immediate gut reaction to witnessing any work of art being destroyed or lost. The one that immediately comes to mind is the "WATCH ME BURN ALL OF MY ART IN A BIG PILE" flyer that went semi-viral not that long ago.
I remember watching a Youtube Short of a man explaining why he always began his oil paintings with a layer of orange underpaint, and one of the replies he got was "I bet some fool will pay THOUSANDS for it too!" clearly alluding to the contemporary artworks of canvases painted one solid color. The original creator replied to this comment and said, "Every painting is bought by a fool. Paintings are worthless." And for whatever reason, that really stuck with me. He's right. Paintings aren't a natural resource, or a form of currency, or a raw material. They are paintings. They aren't worth anything, people simply pay for them. Which probably sounds like pretentiousness with a flavor of doomerism, but actually like this neutral view of art. I think the art world, both professionally and the more modern internet art space, is too obsessed with how much your art should be worth. I think "shredding art" is a part of a larger conversation about the relationship between art, artist, and money.
tl;dr uh, sure
'Till next time, Caesthoffe
from: Em
Rory,
First thing... WILD BERRY SKITTLES? THE WORST SKITTLES FLAVORS?! This is terrible...
Two questions for you before my official "prompt". First, the poster that was ripped off the lamppost, with the adhesive ruined and edges torn? Or the lamppost itself with scraps still stuck to it? I don't know if it matters, but I want to know nonetheless. Second, do you hope the fog recedes?
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for its difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. When we make contact with an extraterrestrial civilization, what should we tell them is humanity’s greatest achievement?
2. Is Edward Snowden a hero or a villain?
3. Should more artwork be shredded?
Appreciatively, Em
from: Caesthoffe
1. caesthoffecore: A poster ripped off a lamp post. The debut melodic hardcore album The Unraveling by Rise Against. Tattoo ink. An unironed pride flag. Wild Berry Skittles. Catfish. Magazines. CDs. The public library. Tacky D.I.Y.'s. Band tees.
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2. Somewhere under the cover of fog, a place you forget as soon as you leave.
from: Em
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
from: Caesthoffe
to: Em
subject: Re: Should more artwork be shredded?
HOW DARE YOU if Wild Berry Skittles has a million fans I'm one of them. If Wild Berry Skittles has one fan it's me. If Wild Berry Skittles has 0 fans I have died. If the world is against Wild Berry Skittles I am against the world.
but regardless: a) a poster with little holes in the corner from where the staples were. and b) i think the fog is necessary, or at least justified in its existence.
and as for the new question (number 3):
I'm someone who cares a lot about preservation and archivism, so I have an immediate gut reaction to witnessing any work of art being destroyed or lost. The one that immediately comes to mind is the "WATCH ME BURN ALL OF MY ART IN A BIG PILE" flyer that went semi-viral not that long ago.
I remember watching a Youtube Short of a man explaining why he always began his oil paintings with a layer of orange underpaint, and one of the replies he got was "I bet some fool will pay THOUSANDS for it too!" clearly alluding to the contemporary artworks of canvases painted one solid color. The original creator replied to this comment and said, "Every painting is bought by a fool. Paintings are worthless." And for whatever reason, that really stuck with me. He's right. Paintings aren't a natural resource, or a form of currency, or a raw material. They are paintings. They aren't worth anything, people simply pay for them. Which probably sounds like pretentiousness with a flavor of doomerism, but actually like this neutral view of art. I think the art world, both professionally and the more modern internet art space, is too obsessed with how much your art should be worth. I think "shredding art" is a part of a larger conversation about the relationship between art, artist, and money.
tl;dr uh, sure
'Till next time, Caesthoffe
from: Em
to: Caesthoffe
subject: Should more artwork be shredded?
Rory,
First thing... WILD BERRY SKITTLES? THE WORST SKITTLES FLAVORS?! This is terrible...
Two questions for you before my official "prompt". First, the poster that was ripped off the lamppost, with the adhesive ruined and edges torn? Or the lamppost itself with scraps still stuck to it? I don't know if it matters, but I want to know nonetheless. Second, do you hope the fog recedes?
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for its difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. When we make contact with an extraterrestrial civilization, what should we tell them is humanity’s greatest achievement?
2. Is Edward Snowden a hero or a villain?
3. Should more artwork be shredded?
Appreciatively, Em
from: Caesthoffe
to: Em
subject: Re: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
1. caesthoffecore: A poster ripped off a lamp post. The debut melodic hardcore album The Unraveling by Rise Against. Tattoo ink. An unironed pride flag. Wild Berry Skittles. Catfish. Magazines. CDs. The public library. Tacky D.I.Y.'s. Band tees.
2. Somewhere under the cover of fog, a place you forget as soon as you leave.
from: Em
to: Caesthoffe
subject: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
from: Em, to: Persephone
Most recent emails at the top.
from: Persephone
Dear Em,
Sorry for the late reply - I got very busy the other week. I hope you are doing well and would love to know a little bit about you as well.
What would you be in another world?
In another world I think i would actually be some kind of fairy/ fae creature or a dragon or a cryptid depending on the world
What is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
I've created a few characters - mostly for D&D purposes - they are normally based off my hyperfixation at the time, for example, I made a Tabaxi Rogue based off Puss in Boots (Tabaxi is a race that are human sized cats that walk on their back legs)
Love in existing media - so many - examples: Catra she is just so cool (She-ra and the Princesses of Power), Rayne (Owl House) - they are both mine I guess because they have essences of me - Catra has anxiety but tries to act cool and as if she has it all figured out and Rayne is a cool wizard/ witch that is canonically non-binary so I can relate to them even though they are not a character that I created.
Regards,
Persephone Wentworth (they/them)
to: Persephone
Persephone!
I really appreciated your labels answer, I feel very similarly.
For your next thought food, what would you be in another world? It can be established fantasy or sci fi media, one you make up, or a parallel of our own world. I have many, so if you do, give me as many of them as you want to. After that, the opposite---what is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
All my appreciation,
Em
from: Persephone
Hi Em,
“I often store memories of songs…” triggered a thought for me. Sometimes when I eat something, especially holiday associated foods, old memories pop up for me. Are songs like this for you? Do you remember past happenings while the song was playing? It’s interesting to think of a song being a needle threading those instances together.
Yes, certain songs hold certain memories, like I remember certain occasions or people while the song is playing.
1. Is it useful to categorize writers as e.g. “Black”, “queer”, or “postcolonial”?
To an extent these labels can be helpful, especially if you are trying to find certain services or books, other times these labels can feel constrictive because you feel you need to be a certain way to classify them.
2. Do you own your body?
yes
3. How is the relationship between you and your body different from that between you and your online avatar?
My online avatar has most of the same features as my actual head, although these days my hair is shorter, the only additions are the deer ears and antlers. I added these to give a fairy-like whimsy to my avatar, also one of my favourite cryptids is the Jackolope.
Persephone Wentworth (fae/ faer)
from: Em
Persephone,
So great to hear from you! I love cozy fantasy media so I’ll have to take a look at “The Tea Dragon Society” series. Speaking of, I adore The Princess Bride and remember The Dark Crystal fondly. Some of my first examples for that dream love story… still kind of hoping for an “As you wish.” I love the forest, the ocean, sea creatures… but I admit, I am a dog person! I like cats but my Australian Shepherd mix, Zeb, is my baby. As for deer, we have a ton where I live and for some reason they like to give birth in my yard; fawns are cute but… cuter after a few hours.
“I often store memories of songs…” triggered a thought for me. Sometimes when I eat something, especially holiday associated foods, old memories pop up for me. Are songs like this for you? Do you remember past happenings while the song was playing? It’s interesting to think of a song being a needle threading those instances together.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for its difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. Is it useful to categorize writers as e.g. “Black”, “queer”, or “postcolonial”?
2. Do you own your body?
3. How is the relationship between you and your body different from that between you and your online avatar?
Looking forward to picking your brain,
Em
from: Persephone
Hi Em,
That sounds cool and I love the vibes of your neocities page.
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
Favourite books: The Tea Dragon Society by K O'Neill (like the Omnibus of them), I also love a lot of this author's other stuff, they are an instant buy for me - the reason is because all of these books portray on page: queer folk, folk with disabilities, folk of colour and it's just very wholesome, cosy fantasy.
Favourite movies: The Princess Bride, The Dark Crystal, The Labyrinth - these were foundational movies that were either part of my childhood or my teen years
Favourite shows: Owl House, She-ra: Princesses of Power, Amphibia
Favourite music artists: Placebo, Garbage, Florence and the Machine, Avril Lavigne, My Chemical Romance
Favourite items i own: i have some ties, finally got myself a suit last year, i also own pleather wings which are really cool
Favourite things in the world: forests and the beach have a special attachment for me, i love swimming, my cat/ daughter, my friends are amazing, I love dogs and miss having one, I love deer, sea creatures and cats of all sizes.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
My inner world is very complex and I think that a paracosm is a good description of my inner world. It is very busy in some areas and in other areas it's peaceful. I often think about things over and over, especially if it is something that is important to me or has value to my being, I often store memories in songs and photos and places.
I hope this helps, kind regards,
Persephone Wentworth (fae/faer)
from: Em
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
from: Persephone
to: Em
subject: Re: What would you be in another world?
Dear Em,
Sorry for the late reply - I got very busy the other week. I hope you are doing well and would love to know a little bit about you as well.
What would you be in another world?
In another world I think i would actually be some kind of fairy/ fae creature or a dragon or a cryptid depending on the world
What is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
I've created a few characters - mostly for D&D purposes - they are normally based off my hyperfixation at the time, for example, I made a Tabaxi Rogue based off Puss in Boots (Tabaxi is a race that are human sized cats that walk on their back legs)
Love in existing media - so many - examples: Catra she is just so cool (She-ra and the Princesses of Power), Rayne (Owl House) - they are both mine I guess because they have essences of me - Catra has anxiety but tries to act cool and as if she has it all figured out and Rayne is a cool wizard/ witch that is canonically non-binary so I can relate to them even though they are not a character that I created.
Regards,
Persephone Wentworth (they/them)
to: Persephone
from: Em
subject: What would you be in another world?
Persephone!
I really appreciated your labels answer, I feel very similarly.
For your next thought food, what would you be in another world? It can be established fantasy or sci fi media, one you make up, or a parallel of our own world. I have many, so if you do, give me as many of them as you want to. After that, the opposite---what is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
All my appreciation,
Em
from: Persephone
to: Em
subject: Re: Labels, Bodies, and Avatars
Hi Em,
“I often store memories of songs…” triggered a thought for me. Sometimes when I eat something, especially holiday associated foods, old memories pop up for me. Are songs like this for you? Do you remember past happenings while the song was playing? It’s interesting to think of a song being a needle threading those instances together.
Yes, certain songs hold certain memories, like I remember certain occasions or people while the song is playing.
1. Is it useful to categorize writers as e.g. “Black”, “queer”, or “postcolonial”?
To an extent these labels can be helpful, especially if you are trying to find certain services or books, other times these labels can feel constrictive because you feel you need to be a certain way to classify them.
2. Do you own your body?
yes
3. How is the relationship between you and your body different from that between you and your online avatar?
My online avatar has most of the same features as my actual head, although these days my hair is shorter, the only additions are the deer ears and antlers. I added these to give a fairy-like whimsy to my avatar, also one of my favourite cryptids is the Jackolope.
Persephone Wentworth (fae/ faer)
from: Em
to: Persephone
subject: Labels, Bodies, and Avatars
Persephone,
So great to hear from you! I love cozy fantasy media so I’ll have to take a look at “The Tea Dragon Society” series. Speaking of, I adore The Princess Bride and remember The Dark Crystal fondly. Some of my first examples for that dream love story… still kind of hoping for an “As you wish.” I love the forest, the ocean, sea creatures… but I admit, I am a dog person! I like cats but my Australian Shepherd mix, Zeb, is my baby. As for deer, we have a ton where I live and for some reason they like to give birth in my yard; fawns are cute but… cuter after a few hours.
“I often store memories of songs…” triggered a thought for me. Sometimes when I eat something, especially holiday associated foods, old memories pop up for me. Are songs like this for you? Do you remember past happenings while the song was playing? It’s interesting to think of a song being a needle threading those instances together.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for its difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. Is it useful to categorize writers as e.g. “Black”, “queer”, or “postcolonial”?
2. Do you own your body?
3. How is the relationship between you and your body different from that between you and your online avatar?
Looking forward to picking your brain,
Em
from: Persephone
to: Em
subject: Re: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
Hi Em,
That sounds cool and I love the vibes of your neocities page.
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
Favourite books: The Tea Dragon Society by K O'Neill (like the Omnibus of them), I also love a lot of this author's other stuff, they are an instant buy for me - the reason is because all of these books portray on page: queer folk, folk with disabilities, folk of colour and it's just very wholesome, cosy fantasy.
Favourite movies: The Princess Bride, The Dark Crystal, The Labyrinth - these were foundational movies that were either part of my childhood or my teen years
Favourite shows: Owl House, She-ra: Princesses of Power, Amphibia
Favourite music artists: Placebo, Garbage, Florence and the Machine, Avril Lavigne, My Chemical Romance
Favourite items i own: i have some ties, finally got myself a suit last year, i also own pleather wings which are really cool
Favourite things in the world: forests and the beach have a special attachment for me, i love swimming, my cat/ daughter, my friends are amazing, I love dogs and miss having one, I love deer, sea creatures and cats of all sizes.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
My inner world is very complex and I think that a paracosm is a good description of my inner world. It is very busy in some areas and in other areas it's peaceful. I often think about things over and over, especially if it is something that is important to me or has value to my being, I often store memories in songs and photos and places.
I hope this helps, kind regards,
Persephone Wentworth (fae/faer)
from: Em
to: Persephone
subject: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
from: Em, to: Saturnalia
Coming Soon!
from: Em, to: Toomble
Most recent emails at the top. Check out Toomble here.
to: Em
Hmm...Chrem...
What is the worth of a single mortal's life...
If memory serves when I did my first runthrough I believe I answered with 5, It depends on a person's deeds. I think that's the closest answer I could give, I think that life matters in general to everyone and that 1 is objectively correct, however some value has to be taken into consideration. Otherwise we wouldn't have things like the trolly problem for example, baby vs elder. People choose to give the baby life due to the fact that the elder doesn't have as much time, they have done their deeds and the baby hasn't to apply my answer. That's the best I can give for this question :)
I think for me, the value I connect with is the intrinsic drive to become better. That’s probably why I’m drawn to characters like Spider-Man, The Crow, or Gambit. They’re all very different characters, but they each carry this sense of struggle and transformation. Spider-Man constantly tries to do the right thing despite guilt and pressure, The Crow turns pain into purpose, and Gambit has this charm and recklessness that hides someone trying to outrun his past.
I don’t necessarily relate to them literally, but I connect with that idea of people carrying emotional weight while still trying to move forward and become something better. I think that underlying ambition for growth, even through mistakes or suffering, is the value that stands out most to me.
Sincerely,
Loomble
to: toomble
Loomble,
I love your answer to the first question! It reminds me of the rocks on the hill in the "the grass is always greener" story. They sat and watched the world go by and although the perspective they had was limited, it was profound. My grandmother wants her ashes in the ocean so she can travel for however long she wants--swim with dolphins and be a part of sand dunes. I don't know the character you mentioned but I can see how he's a good foil for you. There's something that can draw us to characters we are completely different from, I think an underlying value that dictates our outlook but not our actions. For me, I think it's passion or ambition. These can be found in even "terrible" characters. Is there a value you can identify that is like that for you?
Today I steal my question from one of my favorite games, Baldur's Gate 3. In game, you have to pick one of the options, but here I'll allow you to branch out. Answer simply with a numbered option or write me an essay or something in between, I don't mind.
What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
1. No one life is worth more than any other. We are all equal.
2. Life's only value is as currency. Doesn't matter to me otherwise.
3. Each life is of infinite value and merits sacrificing everything for.
4. The only life that matters is mine.
5. That depends on a person's deeds.
6. A life is worth only as much as the legends remember it.
7. Mortal lives are not 'single'. They are part of a greater whole--a path to enlightenment.
From my chaotic 3:00am brain,
Em
to: Em
Yes, you have many snails in your room, I also make sure to keep 2 plushies with your bed as well, dr. strange and a small little isopod plush because i relate you to them.
In another world I think I would love to just be a conscious grain of sand, able to move if I want but always traveling or listening around. Maybe a little heavier like a rock? Idk. Inanimate though but conscious, I think it would be nice to be found everywhere, at one point of time I could be in the pocket of someones pants, listening to his life story, maybe later after the wash cycle I move to a river and meet a lovely fish who tells me his journeys, the tide can take me to the bay where I see another person yearning for contact. I think thatd be an interesting thing to be in another world.
One character I find to be my foil in media would be Lou Bloom, from Nightcrawler. (good movie) I love his character because he shows the true desperation a person is willing to go as well as the lengths of what is "WRONG". He constantly says "I wouldnt send you to do something I wouldnt do myself" and is proven to be a liar multiple times in the film, I just like the way he is written and the way he is played (Hard for Jake Gyllenhaal to do anything wrong in acting) he just is a great foil for me. I'd personally describe myself as emotionally reflective or like an indie "coming-of-age" archetype, while Lou is someone who can detach quickly without needing emotional resolution and treats life more transactionally. Its very interesting :)
to: toomble
Toomz,
I am formally requesting a monstera and a purple waffle plant in my room. I am honored to have sat on a crumbling wall with you and watched you mess with pebbles.
Truly, so much is a gift. I loved hearing this from you and I hope you can later accept recent sadness as a gift of growth (no rush, obviously; we can hate her for a bit). Personally, I believe knowledge and creation should, ideally, be freely shared. I understand the need for claim in today's capitalist societies but I hope that one day we can grow to easily extend inspiration again.
For your next thought food, what would you be in another world? It can be established fantasy or sci fi media, one you make up, or a parallel of our own world. I have many, so if you do, give me as many of them as you want to. After that, the opposite---what is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
Writing from a sunny window,
Em
from: toomble
For your inner world, do any rooms grow dusty?
No, i always make sure to touch them up as much as possible. Even those rooms of people ive lost, i make sure to always visit.
Do bugs move into some you’ve left untouched?
None are untouched :) some people appreciate bugs though so i allow them to keep the room company. Most of the time its just plants though.
Do you take care to walk through your house often, or do some sections fall to ruin?
It depends on the mood im in. There are days where walking the halls to each room feel heavy, crumbling under weight like a stormed castle. Even so I still pick up pebbles to organize. Others the halls have such a warm glow and each room smells of such good food and shared space.
1. What is a gift?
Anything is a gift. Its what you make out of it. Feeling anger is a gift, love is a gift, hate is a gift, its the perspective you give life that changes its aspects of gifts. Personally I think the best kind of gift isnt physical but emotional, remembering something someone said or being there for someone is the best gift I love giving.
2. Is the sampling of music theft or quotation?
Music boy here - legally it depends on the context of creativity. If you are solely taking the sample and putting more into it or changing something from it then yes it is appropriate. However if you dont do anything to the sample but just sing over it then you fall into a middle ground. Its all about what you do with the sample and whether or not you want to be a sample or if you are just making a cover of it.
On a personal level, I believe music is meant to be shared, yes you shouldn't steal the monetization others would make from their work but taking inspiration from a melody isnt harmful to the process of music. Radiohead thought the world of Jeff Buckley to the point they left a concert he was doing midway through out of inspiration of what they had heard and took a lot of what Buckley had been doing to make one of their albums.
3. Is there such a thing as bad taste in visual arts, music or literature?
Yes. Those who find comfort in benign art or something without meaning have bad taste in my opinion. If you have no interest in a piece of art or music or literature but you like it solely for how it looks in the most fundamental sense and you cannot drive any passion underneath the surface then I believe you have not developed a good taste and or passion in the art or works.
Enjoy your snail food,
Loomble
from: Em
Dearest Loomble,
Wait, you like Gambit? And Spiderman? I’m shocked! As for Treasure Planet, I treasure (pun intended) my memory of watching that movie with you. Do you have a home cinema in your brain? You should! Please keep the peanut butter M&Ms stocked for me.
As for your inner world, do any rooms grow dusty? Do bugs move into some you’ve left untouched? Do you take care to walk through your house often, or do some sections fall to ruin? My own brain is similar. I sometimes forget the floor plans of old sections, rooms changing in location. I might need Ariadne’s thread that she used to navigate the labyrinth. Or maybe I’ll just keep turning right—I think that’s how you’re supposed to get through mazes.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for its difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. What is a gift?
2. Is the sampling of music theft or quotation?
3. Is there such a thing as bad taste in visual arts, music or literature?
Many thanks for the snail food,
Em
from: toomble
Hellooo my moniker is Toomble, my interests are in music, films, art, overall collecting of physical media, and Gambit (x-men) and spiderman. My most prized possessions are my instruments. My favorites are as follows:
Books:The witcher series, Night sky with Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong, and Wes Anderson by Ian Nathan
Movies: The crow, Rango, Treasure Planet, and Ponyo
Artists: Killstation, Matt Elliot, Post Malone, Aries, and Brakence
My inner world...I have many rooms inside built around people I know and trust, interactions I hold dear and future conversations I would love to enter into. Music is not just music, but the hallways that enter each room, I use a long of music as transitional layering to tag memories to moods or emotional states/memories and love doing so. I revisit a lot of moments and memories I have with friends, loved ones, and family a lot and love to journal and write them down, as a fear I have is forgetting things about the people I care about. As life goes on I hope to keep adding to the house I have, more rooms, more hallways to step through with more decorations in each. I love honoring memories and connections I have with these thoughts and expressing my appreciation to others through that.
I hope this is a good answer sheet for your first entry thing Em :) With sincerity and an extreme amount of joy being able to do this,
Toom
from: Em
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
to: Em
from: toomble
subject: Re: What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
Hmm...Chrem...
What is the worth of a single mortal's life...
If memory serves when I did my first runthrough I believe I answered with 5, It depends on a person's deeds. I think that's the closest answer I could give, I think that life matters in general to everyone and that 1 is objectively correct, however some value has to be taken into consideration. Otherwise we wouldn't have things like the trolly problem for example, baby vs elder. People choose to give the baby life due to the fact that the elder doesn't have as much time, they have done their deeds and the baby hasn't to apply my answer. That's the best I can give for this question :)
I think for me, the value I connect with is the intrinsic drive to become better. That’s probably why I’m drawn to characters like Spider-Man, The Crow, or Gambit. They’re all very different characters, but they each carry this sense of struggle and transformation. Spider-Man constantly tries to do the right thing despite guilt and pressure, The Crow turns pain into purpose, and Gambit has this charm and recklessness that hides someone trying to outrun his past.
I don’t necessarily relate to them literally, but I connect with that idea of people carrying emotional weight while still trying to move forward and become something better. I think that underlying ambition for growth, even through mistakes or suffering, is the value that stands out most to me.
Sincerely,
Loomble
to: toomble
from: Em
subject: What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
Loomble,
I love your answer to the first question! It reminds me of the rocks on the hill in the "the grass is always greener" story. They sat and watched the world go by and although the perspective they had was limited, it was profound. My grandmother wants her ashes in the ocean so she can travel for however long she wants--swim with dolphins and be a part of sand dunes. I don't know the character you mentioned but I can see how he's a good foil for you. There's something that can draw us to characters we are completely different from, I think an underlying value that dictates our outlook but not our actions. For me, I think it's passion or ambition. These can be found in even "terrible" characters. Is there a value you can identify that is like that for you?
Today I steal my question from one of my favorite games, Baldur's Gate 3. In game, you have to pick one of the options, but here I'll allow you to branch out. Answer simply with a numbered option or write me an essay or something in between, I don't mind.
What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
1. No one life is worth more than any other. We are all equal.
2. Life's only value is as currency. Doesn't matter to me otherwise.
3. Each life is of infinite value and merits sacrificing everything for.
4. The only life that matters is mine.
5. That depends on a person's deeds.
6. A life is worth only as much as the legends remember it.
7. Mortal lives are not 'single'. They are part of a greater whole--a path to enlightenment.
From my chaotic 3:00am brain,
Em
to: Em
from: toomble
subject: Re: What would you be in another world?
Yes, you have many snails in your room, I also make sure to keep 2 plushies with your bed as well, dr. strange and a small little isopod plush because i relate you to them.
In another world I think I would love to just be a conscious grain of sand, able to move if I want but always traveling or listening around. Maybe a little heavier like a rock? Idk. Inanimate though but conscious, I think it would be nice to be found everywhere, at one point of time I could be in the pocket of someones pants, listening to his life story, maybe later after the wash cycle I move to a river and meet a lovely fish who tells me his journeys, the tide can take me to the bay where I see another person yearning for contact. I think thatd be an interesting thing to be in another world.
One character I find to be my foil in media would be Lou Bloom, from Nightcrawler. (good movie) I love his character because he shows the true desperation a person is willing to go as well as the lengths of what is "WRONG". He constantly says "I wouldnt send you to do something I wouldnt do myself" and is proven to be a liar multiple times in the film, I just like the way he is written and the way he is played (Hard for Jake Gyllenhaal to do anything wrong in acting) he just is a great foil for me. I'd personally describe myself as emotionally reflective or like an indie "coming-of-age" archetype, while Lou is someone who can detach quickly without needing emotional resolution and treats life more transactionally. Its very interesting :)
to: toomble
from: Em
subject: What would you be in another world?
Toomz,
I am formally requesting a monstera and a purple waffle plant in my room. I am honored to have sat on a crumbling wall with you and watched you mess with pebbles.
Truly, so much is a gift. I loved hearing this from you and I hope you can later accept recent sadness as a gift of growth (no rush, obviously; we can hate her for a bit). Personally, I believe knowledge and creation should, ideally, be freely shared. I understand the need for claim in today's capitalist societies but I hope that one day we can grow to easily extend inspiration again.
For your next thought food, what would you be in another world? It can be established fantasy or sci fi media, one you make up, or a parallel of our own world. I have many, so if you do, give me as many of them as you want to. After that, the opposite---what is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
Writing from a sunny window,
Em
from: toomble
to: Em
subject: Re: Gifts, Music Sampling, and Artistic Taste
For your inner world, do any rooms grow dusty?
No, i always make sure to touch them up as much as possible. Even those rooms of people ive lost, i make sure to always visit.
Do bugs move into some you’ve left untouched?
None are untouched :) some people appreciate bugs though so i allow them to keep the room company. Most of the time its just plants though.
Do you take care to walk through your house often, or do some sections fall to ruin?
It depends on the mood im in. There are days where walking the halls to each room feel heavy, crumbling under weight like a stormed castle. Even so I still pick up pebbles to organize. Others the halls have such a warm glow and each room smells of such good food and shared space.
1. What is a gift?
Anything is a gift. Its what you make out of it. Feeling anger is a gift, love is a gift, hate is a gift, its the perspective you give life that changes its aspects of gifts. Personally I think the best kind of gift isnt physical but emotional, remembering something someone said or being there for someone is the best gift I love giving.
2. Is the sampling of music theft or quotation?
Music boy here - legally it depends on the context of creativity. If you are solely taking the sample and putting more into it or changing something from it then yes it is appropriate. However if you dont do anything to the sample but just sing over it then you fall into a middle ground. Its all about what you do with the sample and whether or not you want to be a sample or if you are just making a cover of it.
On a personal level, I believe music is meant to be shared, yes you shouldn't steal the monetization others would make from their work but taking inspiration from a melody isnt harmful to the process of music. Radiohead thought the world of Jeff Buckley to the point they left a concert he was doing midway through out of inspiration of what they had heard and took a lot of what Buckley had been doing to make one of their albums.
3. Is there such a thing as bad taste in visual arts, music or literature?
Yes. Those who find comfort in benign art or something without meaning have bad taste in my opinion. If you have no interest in a piece of art or music or literature but you like it solely for how it looks in the most fundamental sense and you cannot drive any passion underneath the surface then I believe you have not developed a good taste and or passion in the art or works.
Enjoy your snail food,
Loomble
from: Em
to: toomble
subject: Gifts, Music Sampling, and Artistic Taste
Dearest Loomble,
Wait, you like Gambit? And Spiderman? I’m shocked! As for Treasure Planet, I treasure (pun intended) my memory of watching that movie with you. Do you have a home cinema in your brain? You should! Please keep the peanut butter M&Ms stocked for me.
As for your inner world, do any rooms grow dusty? Do bugs move into some you’ve left untouched? Do you take care to walk through your house often, or do some sections fall to ruin? My own brain is similar. I sometimes forget the floor plans of old sections, rooms changing in location. I might need Ariadne’s thread that she used to navigate the labyrinth. Or maybe I’ll just keep turning right—I think that’s how you’re supposed to get through mazes.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for its difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. What is a gift?
2. Is the sampling of music theft or quotation?
3. Is there such a thing as bad taste in visual arts, music or literature?
Many thanks for the snail food,
Em
from: toomble
to: Em
subject: Re: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
Hellooo my moniker is Toomble, my interests are in music, films, art, overall collecting of physical media, and Gambit (x-men) and spiderman. My most prized possessions are my instruments. My favorites are as follows:
Books:The witcher series, Night sky with Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong, and Wes Anderson by Ian Nathan
Movies: The crow, Rango, Treasure Planet, and Ponyo
Artists: Killstation, Matt Elliot, Post Malone, Aries, and Brakence
My inner world...I have many rooms inside built around people I know and trust, interactions I hold dear and future conversations I would love to enter into. Music is not just music, but the hallways that enter each room, I use a long of music as transitional layering to tag memories to moods or emotional states/memories and love doing so. I revisit a lot of moments and memories I have with friends, loved ones, and family a lot and love to journal and write them down, as a fear I have is forgetting things about the people I care about. As life goes on I hope to keep adding to the house I have, more rooms, more hallways to step through with more decorations in each. I love honoring memories and connections I have with these thoughts and expressing my appreciation to others through that.
I hope this is a good answer sheet for your first entry thing Em :) With sincerity and an extreme amount of joy being able to do this,
Toom
from: Em
to: toomble
subject: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
from: Em, to: 8ballreject
Most recent emails at the top. Check out 8ballreject's site here.
to: 8ballreject
Eva,
First, I apologize for my extremely delayed response. I'm graduating at the moment and there is a ridiculous amount of fluff going on!
I've hardly had worlds of my own. Every world I've conceived of is just an amalgamation of the ones I already love. I'm a collage artist--a collector before a creator. Magic systems have always been the thing I've craved most dearly, for their intrinsic nature I imagine. I relate to the romance thing more than I can put into words. I don't have enough life experience to claim I'm aroace or somewhere on that spectrum, and truthfully, I hope that I'm not. I want to experience love, my problem is I get to the simple intimacy before most people. Even in friendships I have gotten used to not showing the full scope of my appreciation for people out of some fear of overwhelming them. I'm lucky to have some friends that are the same and I suppose we are too much together. This little group of mine gives too much of themselves, but we exist in a symbiotic relationship and I'm thankful that my cup stays full. Funny enough, the crew you imagine having in another world is what I dream of most. I crave game nights and potlucks and diners at terrible hours and platonic affection and gifts for no reason and so much more. Oh, and no, absolutely not on the instrument thing. I would love more than anything to be able to sing or play an instrument (I adore music) but I am slightly tone deaf and can't carry a tune for the life of me.
I will add those titles to my TBR, I love the way you describe them. I am not truly a writer, so I ask these questions alongside you. However, I do write sessions for a Dungeons & Dragons group I run and I find my characters and world to be similar. In my experience, my world was born straight from my daydreams. I've always created little stories in worlds I love and been an avid fanfiction reader and advocate since I was young (a little too young, honestly). My characters all have bits of myself but none are exactly me. It's no fun to dream of someone exactly like yourself. I have some characters that are more me than others, but if anything I just give my characters each a burden of mine to bear. My medical and religious trauma in one, my righteousness in another, my empathy in the next. It's its own kind of processing. Lastly, I originally created a happy ending for this world and these characters. I thought that my players would want a happy ending and I wanted them to feel fulfilled. Without my consent, I conceived of a bittersweet ending. The enemy is defeated but not without significant loss, almost all of them dead. I realized it's the ending many of them deserved and even asked of me. We haven't gotten to the end of my campaign yet, so now I'm not sure what I'll pick. I think my players will determine it for themselves.
I've heard of Shadowhunters but never got into it, although I have MANY worlds that I would dive into in a heartbeat. Many of them, like yours, are my childhood favorites. The worlds from The Land of Stories, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, the Grishaverse. Truly, being sucked into worlds while reading is a gift I can never return to authors.
God, how I love Marvel. I could go on about it forever, but I'll limit myself for your sake. First--none of us are as good as Sam Wilson. What you said reminded me greatly of the scene from the end of Captain America: Brave New World, a conversation between Sam and Joaquin, his young friend and mentee. One of Sam's quotes hit me hard, "Because if I'm not on point, I feel like I let down everyone else who's fighting for a seat at that table. That's pressure, man. Makes you wonder if you'll ever just be... enough." Oh my gosh, and then Joaquin telling Sam that Sam's who he's always wanted to be. I cried! I think so many of us feel like that. I wonder every day why I get to pursue a career to improve medicine, to advocate for people with lifelong illness when so many have lost their lives, lost their careers, lost relationships. It's a lot of pressure. But we do it anyway. I think that's what Marvel has taught me most. Tony, Steve, Peter--their biggest superpower was even if the first time they turned away, they always eventually showed up.
I derailed as well...whoops. Today I steal my question from one of my favorite games, Baldur's Gate 3. In game, you have to pick one of the options, but here I'll allow you to branch out. Answer simply with a numbered option or write me an essay or something in between, I don't mind.
What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
1. No one life is worth more than any other. We are all equal.
2. Life's only value is as currency. Doesn't matter to me otherwise.
3. Each life is of infinite value and merits sacrificing everything for.
4. The only life that matters is mine.
5. That depends on a person's deeds.
6. A life is worth only as much as the legends remember it.
7. Mortal lives are not 'single'. They are part of a greater whole--a path to enlightenment.
With warmth,
Em
to: Em
hello em!
despite being a so called daydreamer, always thinking of a fake scenario in my head to pass the time before falling asleep or while listening to music on public transport, i don't know if i have ever thought of an established world. i've probably transmigrated this "self" to already-existing ones from media i enjoy, but i have never built one from scratch inside my own mind. that is, i always customize things inside these scenarios of mine of course, would they count? but it's an interesting concept. i love sci-fi and fantasy, i love watching and reading about different worlds, different magic-systems, urban fantasy VS historical fantasy, space-based sci-fi VS dystopian sci-fi...you name it, i usually enjoy it.
when i daydream, i always end up being a free-spirited girl. a badass one, of course. i think it's probably because i don't feel very much like that in my daily life. i am a free-spirited kind of person, but probably not as much as i think. i also usually end up dreaming of relationships that are romantic in nature; despite being on the aromantic spectrum, i enjoy it when romance is fictive and people are not real. maybe that's also the reason why i don't mind romantic feelings in animated media or books, but i tend to not always enjoy it when it's a movie with real actors. one thing that i usually include is also me playing the guitar, it's a dream of mine to learn since i actually have one at home. it was given to me when i was a kid and it's probably not even tuned, but i would love to start learning. i love self-studying, but i'm not sure if i would be able to teach myself a musical instrument. is there one you would love to learn how to play? or is there one you already play?
my thoughts were completely derailed there. back to the topic, in another world, i don't think i'd be that much different from now. i would definitely use magic & have adventures; if i lived in a "arcane-like" world i would probably be into chemistry and exploding things. i would have my little crew, a rag-type sort of ensemble.
a bit off-topic again, but two worldbuildings i enjoyed a lot were the ones in "a wizard of earthsea" by ursula k. le guin and "gate of ivrel" by c.j. cherryh. both of these are super interesting and worth daydreaming about, i think. they both have interesting magic-systems, the world itself is not exactly introduced with details, you just find yourself in there following the protagonists on their own path. one thing i always wonder about is, do authors daydream and then put those thoughts into words? are the characters they write about an idealized self of their own, or are they treated as completely others? and if they're not, do they ever daydream about worlds they have built maybe later, when a book is already published? (or manga, or comic etc).
when i was younger, i was so much into the shadowhunters saga i dreamed of being one. that is another world worth learning about, it's complex in its magic-system and creatures, but it also feels familiar to catholics since it integrates their beliefs as well. that is still a world i would probably love to live in! i guess no matter how much time passes, some things you used to love just stick with you. did you have or do you still have anything like that? that if someone said to you "you can enter this world right now, just say yes or no" and you would say yes immediately.
as for the total opposites, there are so many characters that could fit into the description. although i'm a firm believer that each character you like ends up having something of yours you find resemblance in. so, who can exactly say they're completely different from them? or maybe it's backwards, once we find a character we love, we then find something in them that reminds us of ourselves. what do you think?
i'm trying to think about characters that i feel are completely different from me; this year i watched the series "the falcon and the winter soldier" from marvel. i know how comics heroes are usuall seen, or rather how much they are usually not liked. i liked mcu movies a lot when i was younger, i watched every single one and liked to talk with friends about how the plot would evolve etc. but then i grew out of that, despite still liking many characters and not refusing a rewatch of some movies now and then. anyway, as it frequently happens to me, i got interested in this series because i liked the ship between the two protagonists: the falcon (also called sam wilson, portrayed by actor anthony mackie) and the winter soldier (also called bucky barnes, portrayed by actor sebastian stan). i had seen a few fanarts on the internet (the series came out in, like, 2021) and i liked them a lot. so i gave the series a chance and i liked it a lot! i think falcon is not very similar to me, but he's still one of mines, just as you said. he's a black man who steps up in the position of a white caucasic man's role. he has integrity, courage. he loves and fights for the usa, representing a nation that "does not represent him" (canonical words said in the series). describing him makes me sound as if i'm an awful person, compared to his qualities, but what i meant to say was that if i were in his position, i don't think i'd face things and deal with them like he does.
i don't know if any of the ramblings here make sense anymore i have to be honest, i just hope you find something here useful as food for your brain.
to: 8ballreject
Eva!
I often find irony in the inspirational or eloquent things writers say--we are all hypocrites.
I can't say how I would feel about thinking being a form of fighting if I was a straight rich white man, but I'm not, so it's okay. I agree that for women thinking is so so so necessary! Thinking becomes a fight the second someone says you can't. I think for any minority, thinking is absolutely fighting! I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Funnily enough, I finished with my AP Literature exam about 3 hours ago. One of the essay prompts was about the junction of new and old concepts. I used Frankenstein, which was fun, but my point is that I said exactly what you just did! Scientific progress is a spectrum just like any other and we must find the middle--the pace where we grow but we allow ethics to grow along with us. It's been one of the great challenges of my life to have my intelligence grow faster than my emotional intelligence, I think humanity suffers the same blight.
For your next bit of thought food, what would you be in another world? It can be established fantasy or sci fi media, one you make up, or a parallel of our own world. I have many, so if you do, give me as many of them as you want to. After that, the opposite---what is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
- Em
P.S. I realized I'm sorta just asking y'all to pour your hearts out to a stranger. Letting you know I am open to questions as well or can send a little intro if you would like. You don't need to ask anything, but I wanted to put it out there for comfort's sake. :)
to: Em
em,
it has taken me a while to put my thoughts together for this prompt; i think it's fitting with what virginia woolf stated, isn't it?
let's think about thinking, even if it sounds redundant. as humans, isn't thinking what has distinguished us from all other living things? it's a very general statement to begin from, but i think it's important to state it as a premise. the human has progressed so much through millennias, constantly evolving himself (on a biological point of view) and evolving in his thinking methods. once, it was hunting, then foraging. then it was how to operate the first vehicles and factories and then war, nuclear weapons, the Internet. we are constantly evolving and we do so by thinking and experimenting. everything starts from our brains.
and as a woman, this is a fight harder than any other; not because we lack the capabilities or anything like that. on the contrary, once we started thinking hard we never stopped. this could be such a long prompt to speak about but i want to keep it short. what i want to highlight is the following: women were given a specific place in society, in life. a place that was not at all fit for us. but brains can stay dormant only for a while, they need the output, it's why they're often compared to lightbulbs. women have been fighting since the beginning of time and that started exactly from thinking.
sometimes, the only weapon a woman has is her mind. whether we're thinking only for ourselves or we speak up, i think it's important women keep on thinking with their brains. so much brainwashing has been done, it is still in progress actually. but in my opinion if we keep on sharing our thoughts, our breakthroughs with each other, we can definitely keep on winning fights as well.
i also want to say a few things about the 3rd option.
how many times have we read "is scientific progress really progress?" because people think about it like the destruction of that primal-state life we have advanced from. i don't think it's easy to talk about it like everything's either white or black; there's definitely an all-encompassing grey when it comes to scientific progress. one can judge and one can support it at the same time, knowing both sides of the matter are worth listening to.
personally speaking, i admire what the human brain has been able to do through time, when it comes to scientific knowledge. we have managed to build cities, explore space. we know how to make living things from scratch, we can study science on all levels. and should we talk about the world wide web? i don't think it's fair to us, saying how all of this is detrimental to our nature. but is it optimistic? that's highly questionable. scientific progress also brought us global warming, the destruction of the ecosystem and i can't exactly see a very bright future ahead of us. am i perhaps too vague? it is definitely challenging, i will give that to the All Souls College.
to: 8ballreject
Eva,
Your response is, unfortunately, relatable. In this time especially, when we are surrounded by capitalistic ideals, anti-intellectualism, and apathy, the world feels so much less than it should. I hope I can offer your mind some sort of exercise and a safe haven from these ideals. My favorite color is also green and I would love to do dark green in my hair at some point! I don't have any facial piercings and I don't think I'd look good with them because my nose is quite the opposite. If you have any sci-fi recommendations, I will gladly take them! My current read is Project Hail Mary, and I'm having mixed feelings.
Your description of your inner world sounds lovely in it's ironic mundanity. My mind shot to the feeling of finding an old sweater that used to be a favorite tucked up on a shelf when the weather starts getting cold again. Sometimes it fits, sometimes it doesn't.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for it's difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. "Thinking is my fighting." - Virginia Woolf; Discuss.
2. Does it matter what a judge had for breakfast?
3. Should scientific progress make us optimistic?
Looking foward to picking your brain,
Em
to: Em
hello em,
first of all, i just want to say that i can't wait to see where this project takes you! especially with the site section you want to build specifically for it.
this is my attempt to answer to the prompts.
i am eva. i have always been eva. there isn't a time in the past 28 years where i haven't been her. i am always and unapologetically myself; whether it's moral alignment, life choices, personal taste. i don't mind being part of a bigger something, but most times i don't like going with the flow.
i tend to go through life as if through a fog, sometimes nothing's very clear in front of me. i don't really know what i want to do with my life; i just know that i mostly don't feel like i am where i should be.
i was a reckless kid, a reckless teenager early on but i think i have mellowed down quite a bit. right now in life i would describe myself as a very chill person, although i still tend to be impulsive.
i love writing in lowercase, i love dark colors despite my favorite being green. half of my personality is my hair being half green. i have a nose ring which suits me a lot because my nose is pretty small and pointy.
i like anything sci-fi, whether it's movies or books or tv series. i love animation a lot, especially the least mainstream one; i love watching animated movies made before the 2000s, there's always something unique about them.
when i was younger i used to be an avid reader like most people and then i lost the interest i guess, or the spark. i have started seriously reading again back in 2022; i used to read books on my computer and then i bought myself an e-reader; it kind of changed my life. i love reading now, whether it's 15 books a year or 35.
i would say my inner world is messy. it's full of little things i like, it's easy & dark & pretentiously normal. i love being weird, there is nothing i love more than being different, i embrace my quirkiness as it is. i have a love-hate relationship with it, with myself. i want to stay true to myself always, follow my own lead, but it gets tough. i don't like doing things my mind does not approve of, so i tend sometimes to just do nothing at all. i get stuck a lot and hate it passionately.
i hate being bored most of all, how my life often seems devoid of any thrill or worth-speaking about. i want it to be messy and to find comfort and orderliness in my own mess. i want to experiment and get excited and feel alive again.
eva,
🎱8BR
from: Em
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
to: 8ballreject
from: Em
subject: What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
Eva,
First, I apologize for my extremely delayed response. I'm graduating at the moment and there is a ridiculous amount of fluff going on!
I've hardly had worlds of my own. Every world I've conceived of is just an amalgamation of the ones I already love. I'm a collage artist--a collector before a creator. Magic systems have always been the thing I've craved most dearly, for their intrinsic nature I imagine. I relate to the romance thing more than I can put into words. I don't have enough life experience to claim I'm aroace or somewhere on that spectrum, and truthfully, I hope that I'm not. I want to experience love, my problem is I get to the simple intimacy before most people. Even in friendships I have gotten used to not showing the full scope of my appreciation for people out of some fear of overwhelming them. I'm lucky to have some friends that are the same and I suppose we are too much together. This little group of mine gives too much of themselves, but we exist in a symbiotic relationship and I'm thankful that my cup stays full. Funny enough, the crew you imagine having in another world is what I dream of most. I crave game nights and potlucks and diners at terrible hours and platonic affection and gifts for no reason and so much more. Oh, and no, absolutely not on the instrument thing. I would love more than anything to be able to sing or play an instrument (I adore music) but I am slightly tone deaf and can't carry a tune for the life of me.
I will add those titles to my TBR, I love the way you describe them. I am not truly a writer, so I ask these questions alongside you. However, I do write sessions for a Dungeons & Dragons group I run and I find my characters and world to be similar. In my experience, my world was born straight from my daydreams. I've always created little stories in worlds I love and been an avid fanfiction reader and advocate since I was young (a little too young, honestly). My characters all have bits of myself but none are exactly me. It's no fun to dream of someone exactly like yourself. I have some characters that are more me than others, but if anything I just give my characters each a burden of mine to bear. My medical and religious trauma in one, my righteousness in another, my empathy in the next. It's its own kind of processing. Lastly, I originally created a happy ending for this world and these characters. I thought that my players would want a happy ending and I wanted them to feel fulfilled. Without my consent, I conceived of a bittersweet ending. The enemy is defeated but not without significant loss, almost all of them dead. I realized it's the ending many of them deserved and even asked of me. We haven't gotten to the end of my campaign yet, so now I'm not sure what I'll pick. I think my players will determine it for themselves.
I've heard of Shadowhunters but never got into it, although I have MANY worlds that I would dive into in a heartbeat. Many of them, like yours, are my childhood favorites. The worlds from The Land of Stories, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, the Grishaverse. Truly, being sucked into worlds while reading is a gift I can never return to authors.
God, how I love Marvel. I could go on about it forever, but I'll limit myself for your sake. First--none of us are as good as Sam Wilson. What you said reminded me greatly of the scene from the end of Captain America: Brave New World, a conversation between Sam and Joaquin, his young friend and mentee. One of Sam's quotes hit me hard, "Because if I'm not on point, I feel like I let down everyone else who's fighting for a seat at that table. That's pressure, man. Makes you wonder if you'll ever just be... enough." Oh my gosh, and then Joaquin telling Sam that Sam's who he's always wanted to be. I cried! I think so many of us feel like that. I wonder every day why I get to pursue a career to improve medicine, to advocate for people with lifelong illness when so many have lost their lives, lost their careers, lost relationships. It's a lot of pressure. But we do it anyway. I think that's what Marvel has taught me most. Tony, Steve, Peter--their biggest superpower was even if the first time they turned away, they always eventually showed up.
I derailed as well...whoops. Today I steal my question from one of my favorite games, Baldur's Gate 3. In game, you have to pick one of the options, but here I'll allow you to branch out. Answer simply with a numbered option or write me an essay or something in between, I don't mind.
What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
1. No one life is worth more than any other. We are all equal.
2. Life's only value is as currency. Doesn't matter to me otherwise.
3. Each life is of infinite value and merits sacrificing everything for.
4. The only life that matters is mine.
5. That depends on a person's deeds.
6. A life is worth only as much as the legends remember it.
7. Mortal lives are not 'single'. They are part of a greater whole--a path to enlightenment.
With warmth,
Em
to: Em
from: 8ballreject
subject: Re: What would you be in another world?
hello em!
despite being a so called daydreamer, always thinking of a fake scenario in my head to pass the time before falling asleep or while listening to music on public transport, i don't know if i have ever thought of an established world. i've probably transmigrated this "self" to already-existing ones from media i enjoy, but i have never built one from scratch inside my own mind. that is, i always customize things inside these scenarios of mine of course, would they count? but it's an interesting concept. i love sci-fi and fantasy, i love watching and reading about different worlds, different magic-systems, urban fantasy VS historical fantasy, space-based sci-fi VS dystopian sci-fi...you name it, i usually enjoy it.
when i daydream, i always end up being a free-spirited girl. a badass one, of course. i think it's probably because i don't feel very much like that in my daily life. i am a free-spirited kind of person, but probably not as much as i think. i also usually end up dreaming of relationships that are romantic in nature; despite being on the aromantic spectrum, i enjoy it when romance is fictive and people are not real. maybe that's also the reason why i don't mind romantic feelings in animated media or books, but i tend to not always enjoy it when it's a movie with real actors. one thing that i usually include is also me playing the guitar, it's a dream of mine to learn since i actually have one at home. it was given to me when i was a kid and it's probably not even tuned, but i would love to start learning. i love self-studying, but i'm not sure if i would be able to teach myself a musical instrument. is there one you would love to learn how to play? or is there one you already play?
my thoughts were completely derailed there. back to the topic, in another world, i don't think i'd be that much different from now. i would definitely use magic & have adventures; if i lived in a "arcane-like" world i would probably be into chemistry and exploding things. i would have my little crew, a rag-type sort of ensemble.
a bit off-topic again, but two worldbuildings i enjoyed a lot were the ones in "a wizard of earthsea" by ursula k. le guin and "gate of ivrel" by c.j. cherryh. both of these are super interesting and worth daydreaming about, i think. they both have interesting magic-systems, the world itself is not exactly introduced with details, you just find yourself in there following the protagonists on their own path. one thing i always wonder about is, do authors daydream and then put those thoughts into words? are the characters they write about an idealized self of their own, or are they treated as completely others? and if they're not, do they ever daydream about worlds they have built maybe later, when a book is already published? (or manga, or comic etc).
when i was younger, i was so much into the shadowhunters saga i dreamed of being one. that is another world worth learning about, it's complex in its magic-system and creatures, but it also feels familiar to catholics since it integrates their beliefs as well. that is still a world i would probably love to live in! i guess no matter how much time passes, some things you used to love just stick with you. did you have or do you still have anything like that? that if someone said to you "you can enter this world right now, just say yes or no" and you would say yes immediately.
as for the total opposites, there are so many characters that could fit into the description. although i'm a firm believer that each character you like ends up having something of yours you find resemblance in. so, who can exactly say they're completely different from them? or maybe it's backwards, once we find a character we love, we then find something in them that reminds us of ourselves. what do you think?
i'm trying to think about characters that i feel are completely different from me; this year i watched the series "the falcon and the winter soldier" from marvel. i know how comics heroes are usuall seen, or rather how much they are usually not liked. i liked mcu movies a lot when i was younger, i watched every single one and liked to talk with friends about how the plot would evolve etc. but then i grew out of that, despite still liking many characters and not refusing a rewatch of some movies now and then. anyway, as it frequently happens to me, i got interested in this series because i liked the ship between the two protagonists: the falcon (also called sam wilson, portrayed by actor anthony mackie) and the winter soldier (also called bucky barnes, portrayed by actor sebastian stan). i had seen a few fanarts on the internet (the series came out in, like, 2021) and i liked them a lot. so i gave the series a chance and i liked it a lot! i think falcon is not very similar to me, but he's still one of mines, just as you said. he's a black man who steps up in the position of a white caucasic man's role. he has integrity, courage. he loves and fights for the usa, representing a nation that "does not represent him" (canonical words said in the series). describing him makes me sound as if i'm an awful person, compared to his qualities, but what i meant to say was that if i were in his position, i don't think i'd face things and deal with them like he does.
i don't know if any of the ramblings here make sense anymore i have to be honest, i just hope you find something here useful as food for your brain.
to: 8ballreject
from: Em
subject: What would you be in another world?
Eva!
I often find irony in the inspirational or eloquent things writers say--we are all hypocrites.
I can't say how I would feel about thinking being a form of fighting if I was a straight rich white man, but I'm not, so it's okay. I agree that for women thinking is so so so necessary! Thinking becomes a fight the second someone says you can't. I think for any minority, thinking is absolutely fighting! I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Funnily enough, I finished with my AP Literature exam about 3 hours ago. One of the essay prompts was about the junction of new and old concepts. I used Frankenstein, which was fun, but my point is that I said exactly what you just did! Scientific progress is a spectrum just like any other and we must find the middle--the pace where we grow but we allow ethics to grow along with us. It's been one of the great challenges of my life to have my intelligence grow faster than my emotional intelligence, I think humanity suffers the same blight.
For your next bit of thought food, what would you be in another world? It can be established fantasy or sci fi media, one you make up, or a parallel of our own world. I have many, so if you do, give me as many of them as you want to. After that, the opposite---what is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
- Em
P.S. I realized I'm sorta just asking y'all to pour your hearts out to a stranger. Letting you know I am open to questions as well or can send a little intro if you would like. You don't need to ask anything, but I wanted to put it out there for comfort's sake. :)
to: Em
from: 8ballreject
subject: Re: Is thinking fighting?
em,
it has taken me a while to put my thoughts together for this prompt; i think it's fitting with what virginia woolf stated, isn't it?
let's think about thinking, even if it sounds redundant. as humans, isn't thinking what has distinguished us from all other living things? it's a very general statement to begin from, but i think it's important to state it as a premise. the human has progressed so much through millennias, constantly evolving himself (on a biological point of view) and evolving in his thinking methods. once, it was hunting, then foraging. then it was how to operate the first vehicles and factories and then war, nuclear weapons, the Internet. we are constantly evolving and we do so by thinking and experimenting. everything starts from our brains.
and as a woman, this is a fight harder than any other; not because we lack the capabilities or anything like that. on the contrary, once we started thinking hard we never stopped. this could be such a long prompt to speak about but i want to keep it short. what i want to highlight is the following: women were given a specific place in society, in life. a place that was not at all fit for us. but brains can stay dormant only for a while, they need the output, it's why they're often compared to lightbulbs. women have been fighting since the beginning of time and that started exactly from thinking.
sometimes, the only weapon a woman has is her mind. whether we're thinking only for ourselves or we speak up, i think it's important women keep on thinking with their brains. so much brainwashing has been done, it is still in progress actually. but in my opinion if we keep on sharing our thoughts, our breakthroughs with each other, we can definitely keep on winning fights as well.
i also want to say a few things about the 3rd option.
how many times have we read "is scientific progress really progress?" because people think about it like the destruction of that primal-state life we have advanced from. i don't think it's easy to talk about it like everything's either white or black; there's definitely an all-encompassing grey when it comes to scientific progress. one can judge and one can support it at the same time, knowing both sides of the matter are worth listening to.
personally speaking, i admire what the human brain has been able to do through time, when it comes to scientific knowledge. we have managed to build cities, explore space. we know how to make living things from scratch, we can study science on all levels. and should we talk about the world wide web? i don't think it's fair to us, saying how all of this is detrimental to our nature. but is it optimistic? that's highly questionable. scientific progress also brought us global warming, the destruction of the ecosystem and i can't exactly see a very bright future ahead of us. am i perhaps too vague? it is definitely challenging, i will give that to the All Souls College.
to: 8ballreject
from: Em
subject: Is thinking fighting?
Eva,
Your response is, unfortunately, relatable. In this time especially, when we are surrounded by capitalistic ideals, anti-intellectualism, and apathy, the world feels so much less than it should. I hope I can offer your mind some sort of exercise and a safe haven from these ideals. My favorite color is also green and I would love to do dark green in my hair at some point! I don't have any facial piercings and I don't think I'd look good with them because my nose is quite the opposite. If you have any sci-fi recommendations, I will gladly take them! My current read is Project Hail Mary, and I'm having mixed feelings.
Your description of your inner world sounds lovely in it's ironic mundanity. My mind shot to the feeling of finding an old sweater that used to be a favorite tucked up on a shelf when the weather starts getting cold again. Sometimes it fits, sometimes it doesn't.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for it's difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. "Thinking is my fighting." - Virginia Woolf; Discuss.
2. Does it matter what a judge had for breakfast?
3. Should scientific progress make us optimistic?
Looking foward to picking your brain,
Em
to: Em
from: 8ballreject
subject: Re: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
hello em,
first of all, i just want to say that i can't wait to see where this project takes you! especially with the site section you want to build specifically for it.
this is my attempt to answer to the prompts.
i am eva. i have always been eva. there isn't a time in the past 28 years where i haven't been her. i am always and unapologetically myself; whether it's moral alignment, life choices, personal taste. i don't mind being part of a bigger something, but most times i don't like going with the flow.
i tend to go through life as if through a fog, sometimes nothing's very clear in front of me. i don't really know what i want to do with my life; i just know that i mostly don't feel like i am where i should be.
i was a reckless kid, a reckless teenager early on but i think i have mellowed down quite a bit. right now in life i would describe myself as a very chill person, although i still tend to be impulsive.
i love writing in lowercase, i love dark colors despite my favorite being green. half of my personality is my hair being half green. i have a nose ring which suits me a lot because my nose is pretty small and pointy.
i like anything sci-fi, whether it's movies or books or tv series. i love animation a lot, especially the least mainstream one; i love watching animated movies made before the 2000s, there's always something unique about them.
when i was younger i used to be an avid reader like most people and then i lost the interest i guess, or the spark. i have started seriously reading again back in 2022; i used to read books on my computer and then i bought myself an e-reader; it kind of changed my life. i love reading now, whether it's 15 books a year or 35.
i would say my inner world is messy. it's full of little things i like, it's easy & dark & pretentiously normal. i love being weird, there is nothing i love more than being different, i embrace my quirkiness as it is. i have a love-hate relationship with it, with myself. i want to stay true to myself always, follow my own lead, but it gets tough. i don't like doing things my mind does not approve of, so i tend sometimes to just do nothing at all. i get stuck a lot and hate it passionately.
i hate being bored most of all, how my life often seems devoid of any thrill or worth-speaking about. i want it to be messy and to find comfort and orderliness in my own mess. i want to experiment and get excited and feel alive again.
eva,
🎱8BR
from: Em
to: 8ballreject
subject: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
from: Em, to: chillblands
Coming Soon!
from: Em, to: Andie
Most recent emails at the top. Check out Andie's site transfern here.
to: Em
Hello Em,
Congrats on graduating!! That's definitely a very busy time to be in so there's no worry at all.
Also, I love what you've written about Wallace and Ralsei. They're both characters that I hold close to my chest.
And as for your question, my gut instinct is to lean towards answer 1. However, I never do like answering questions in absolutes, so bare that in mind with my answer. I also find answer 7 to be interest, though, maybe besides the "enlightenment" part. I do think it's true that lives exist within each other and are often wound up and made almost inseparable. To ask how much just "one" life is worth feels hypothetical, because you'd struggle to find a singular life that is not wound up in several others. Furthermore, it's obvious that many other people will value specific lives differently than each other and ourselves and because I personally believe that none of use are "singular," but a part of a larger collective, I think you would have to factor in every single person's answer to this question to really get close to the truth. Of course, all of this is assuming this question even has an answer--which I guess means all this was to say, I do not think there is an answer. I would even hesitate to say that we are all "equal," because that itself is an answer.
I hope all goes smoothly,
Andie
to: Andie
Andie,
First, I apologize for my extremely delayed response. I'm graduating at the moment and there is a ridiculous amount of fluff going on!
Wallace reminds me a lot of an archetype I like. I'm not sure how the characters would be described, but I've always associated it with haggled mentors. Jim Gordon from DC, Haymitch Abernathy from The Hunger Games, Luke Skywalker in the Star Wars sequels, maybe Joel in The Last of Us. They tend to seem depressed or pessimistic, but upon getting to know them or inspiring them, they are hopeful to their core. I think I am drawn to this archetype because even though their coping mechanisms aren't particularly healthy, they are more guarded and therefore less vulnerable than I am. Or maybe I just like old men, I don't know. Wallace sounds great.
As for Ralsei, I don't know the character, but I know what you describe. Alternatively to the Wallace's and old men of the world, I tend to be made uncomfortable by young women that are loud, blunt, and unapologetically themselves. I only see their flaws. This is, of course, because they are so similar to me. I will always be highly critical of these characters, but I love them dearly nonetheless. If anything, I think all the characters most like me are the ones I criticize the most.
Today I steal my question from one of my favorite games, Baldur's Gate 3. In game, you have to pick one of the options, but here I'll allow you to branch out. Answer simply with a numbered option or write me an essay or something in between, I don't mind.
What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
1. No one life is worth more than any other. We are all equal.
2. Life's only value is as currency. Doesn't matter to me otherwise.
3. Each life is of infinite value and merits sacrificing everything for.
4. The only life that matters is mine.
5. That depends on a person's deeds.
6. A life is worth only as much as the legends remember it.
7. Mortal lives are not 'single'. They are part of a greater whole--a path to enlightenment.
From my chaotic 3:00am brain,
Em
to: Em
Em,
I'll have to go and give that EP a listen! I'm not all to familiar with Noah Kahan's music, but I recognize his name. Also, I love that you picked up on the connections with Ampharos! Those are definitely some of the reasons it's my favorite!
And for your next question: I think one of the obvious answers is, Fern, my fursona! It is, after all, a persona for myself. But I definitely have many other examples, as well. Another major one would be Ralsei from Deltarune. As Deltarune's chapters have released over the years and we've gotten to know the characters better, I have begun to see just how similar me and Ralsei are. Besides merely liking his design, I can see a lot of the good and bad parts of myself in him. We are both nice and friendly, even to a fault, and tend to put others before ourselves. We both have problems with feeling loved by others and instead feel as if we are self-reliant and don't like it when we take up space or impose ourselves on others. My relationship to Ralsei is maybe one of the more heavier ones haha. I also think that if I was an animal, I'd be a sheep. And I've always felt that if I was a character from Rain World, I'd be Spearmaster.
I really like the second part of your question, by the way! It's very interesting. I think that the best example of a character I've made that is not much like me, would be my OC Wallace. I don't believe that I mentioned him earlier, but he's from one of my older paracosms that I've sorta abandoned. Despite this, he lives on in my art and my mind. He is an old, transmasc, lesbian, computer in a (you guessed it) post-apocalyptic world. He works as a Private Investigator in the last standing city inhabited solely by robots. I don't think we are much alike apart from both being relatively reserved and quiet individuals. He tends to be standoffish and full of himself, and he doesn't like having any close friends or acquaintances. Despite our differences, I think he is still mine because, rather than representing someone I am or wish I was, he represents somebody I wish I knew. I think that our favorite characters either remind us of ourselves or somebody we admire, and he falls into the latter.
I enjoy our talks! Until next time,
Andie
to: Andie
Andie,
Both times you've mentioned your Lighthouse story I have thought of my favorite music artist, Noah Kahan. He has an EP called "Cape Elizabeth" that I've always associated with New England and the album cover has a lighthouse on it. Although I haven't experienced direct attraction as you have, I associate objects and concepts very strongly with specific people. Many of my greatest comforts stem from their associations with people I love or a familiarity within myself. I googled Ampharos just to make sure I was thinking of the right pokemon (I was, yay!) and immediately saw a reddit post about how they are inspired by both lighthouses and sheep! Crazy combination of the paracosms you mentioned, they're made for you!
I agree with your answer! I think that in an odd way, perception is the only way we truly interact with the world. Everything we do or say is based on our interpretation of what's going on, so if it's the truth to us, it just...is. Although varying perspectives can make things difficult or make connection harder, I value it in the same way I value anything else innately human.
For your next thought food, what would you be in another world? It can be established fantasy or sci fi media, one you make up, or a parallel of our own world. I have many, so if you do, give me as many of them as you want to. After that, the opposite---what is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
All my appreciation,
Em
to: Em
Hi again Em,
I'm glad to have been the first objectum person you've met, and I don't mind explaining it at all! In general, objectum is usually the sexual attraction to objects or concepts, but I personally use the term to describe my romantic attraction, rather than sexual. I'm also POSIC (perception of object sentience, individuality, and consciousness), but that's a mouthful haha. The premise of my Lighthouse story is actually objectum! And speaking of, I'm also from the east coast, which inspired a lot of that story as well. Also, I love the Pokemon anime as well; my favorite is Ampharos!
I think that, rather than being connected in a physical way, my inner worlds are connected through themes. Many of them take place in similar settings or have similar overarching themes, though I imagine it wouldn't be hard for them to connected in a physical way for that reason. I've always loved anthologies that are set in a single world, maybe in different parts or at different times, and focus on separate people/groups of people. And I agree that it's a great way to process and manage mental health! I think we could all use good ways to do that.
What an interesting prompt--or list of prompts, rather! I think I'll answer the last one:
3. The way I see it, telling the truth almost always involved telling it slant. It feels natural to me--and I don't mean lying or such--but instead, I think that imbuing our stories and truths with out own perspective or even personalities is a crucial part of narration. To tell a truth as straight-forward as possible would produce a result that works better as a dissertation or research study. So for writers, I think it is good advice. Let your stories be shaped by your own self. Of course, challenge your biases and work to take other perspectives--as it can only enrich your work--but those other perspectives are perspectives, still.
Thank you for the conversation,
Andie
to: Andie
Andie,
I'm going to try to address things chronologically, so I hope my jumbled thoughts are somewhat comprehensible. First, I've never met someone who is objectum before! I had to google it. If you're comfortable, I'd love to know how you explain it. I'm from the southeast US! Truthfully, I don't know a lot of the media you mentioned but Deltarune looks super cool and I love Pokemon. I haven't read any of the manga but I've seen most of the animated series and I collect the cards--my favorite is Mimikyu! I totally agree with your comment about others' music taste, it gives me great insight. I haven't heard of Suzanne Vega before I love folk so I'll have to check her out!
I love that you have a collection of inner worlds! Mine has always been much more connected, definitely a smaller scale. Is there a visual way yours connect in your mind? Islands with bridges? Dots with strings? Planets in a solar system? I can't help but think of Inside Out! I also hope that this helps solidify your own storage system and fantasies, I think it's a great way to process and manage mental health.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for it's difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. Did Eve make the right choice?
2. Can a good person be a really good novelist?
3. "Tell all the truth...but tell it slant." - Emily Dickinson; Is this sound advice to writers?
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Em
to: Em
Hello Em!
This project sounds so cool!! I love the idea of collecting the self over time, and that of others as well. I can't wait to see where this goes and I'm so happy to be a part of it!
Here're my responses:
1. My name is Andie and I am a transgender, objectum lesbian from the southern United States. My favorite things would have to be Deltarune (which I've been obsessed with since early 2021), many comics and manga (such as Dog Haus, Pokemon Adventures, Laika's Comet), web development (my site on the indie web is transferns.neocities.org), and psychology (of which I am currently studying to get my degree in!) I love knowing what music people like because I feel like it adds a lot of depth to a person that isn't initially visible. Personally, my favorites are Bjork, Stereolab, Suzanne Vega, Taeko Onuki, and more!
2. Paracosms are something I've always been drawn to, but tend to be so amorphous and very much linked to my current moment, so I would say I agree with the definition you've provided. My current, major paracosm is something that I'm still working on (and likely always will be.) It revolves around my fursona, Fern, who, of my two fursonas, is more separate from myself, but still a version of me. It takes place on a world not too dissimilar from ours, that has undergone a mostly forgotten apocalypse (think Adventure Time.) The world is inhabited by anthropomorphic animals, like Fern. Fern, specifically, is what I call a "sheepthing." She is part sheep (valias blacknose) and part dragon. This world is not as fleshed out as I would like it to be but it is, in fairness, one of several inner worlds I have. Another--that I would like to novelize someday--is about a girl down on her luck, who finds herself working in a lighthouse. Only, as she slowly learns, the lighthouse is alive and she is the only one who has been able to hear her (the lighthouse) for centuries. In response to what my paracosms feel like: I would say I get very engrossed in them. I've always lived in my own head, I feel, so it's easy for my worlds to merge and it's almost impossible to keep them seperate. For every two thoughts about my real life, there's likely one about my inner worlds. I like to write down ideas but--unlike most things--I rarely forget them. Something I hope that I can gain from these conversations is a better understanding of my own paracosms, which I look forward to. :)
Thank you so much and have a wonderful day! Until next time,
Andie
to: Andie
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
to: Em
from: Andie
subject: Re: What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
Hello Em,
Congrats on graduating!! That's definitely a very busy time to be in so there's no worry at all.
Also, I love what you've written about Wallace and Ralsei. They're both characters that I hold close to my chest.
And as for your question, my gut instinct is to lean towards answer 1. However, I never do like answering questions in absolutes, so bare that in mind with my answer. I also find answer 7 to be interest, though, maybe besides the "enlightenment" part. I do think it's true that lives exist within each other and are often wound up and made almost inseparable. To ask how much just "one" life is worth feels hypothetical, because you'd struggle to find a singular life that is not wound up in several others. Furthermore, it's obvious that many other people will value specific lives differently than each other and ourselves and because I personally believe that none of use are "singular," but a part of a larger collective, I think you would have to factor in every single person's answer to this question to really get close to the truth. Of course, all of this is assuming this question even has an answer--which I guess means all this was to say, I do not think there is an answer. I would even hesitate to say that we are all "equal," because that itself is an answer.
I hope all goes smoothly,
Andie
to: Andie
from: Em
subject: What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
Andie,
First, I apologize for my extremely delayed response. I'm graduating at the moment and there is a ridiculous amount of fluff going on!
Wallace reminds me a lot of an archetype I like. I'm not sure how the characters would be described, but I've always associated it with haggled mentors. Jim Gordon from DC, Haymitch Abernathy from The Hunger Games, Luke Skywalker in the Star Wars sequels, maybe Joel in The Last of Us. They tend to seem depressed or pessimistic, but upon getting to know them or inspiring them, they are hopeful to their core. I think I am drawn to this archetype because even though their coping mechanisms aren't particularly healthy, they are more guarded and therefore less vulnerable than I am. Or maybe I just like old men, I don't know. Wallace sounds great.
As for Ralsei, I don't know the character, but I know what you describe. Alternatively to the Wallace's and old men of the world, I tend to be made uncomfortable by young women that are loud, blunt, and unapologetically themselves. I only see their flaws. This is, of course, because they are so similar to me. I will always be highly critical of these characters, but I love them dearly nonetheless. If anything, I think all the characters most like me are the ones I criticize the most.
Today I steal my question from one of my favorite games, Baldur's Gate 3. In game, you have to pick one of the options, but here I'll allow you to branch out. Answer simply with a numbered option or write me an essay or something in between, I don't mind.
What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
1. No one life is worth more than any other. We are all equal.
2. Life's only value is as currency. Doesn't matter to me otherwise.
3. Each life is of infinite value and merits sacrificing everything for.
4. The only life that matters is mine.
5. That depends on a person's deeds.
6. A life is worth only as much as the legends remember it.
7. Mortal lives are not 'single'. They are part of a greater whole--a path to enlightenment.
From my chaotic 3:00am brain,
Em
to: Em
from: Andie
subject: Re: What would you be in another world?
Em,
I'll have to go and give that EP a listen! I'm not all to familiar with Noah Kahan's music, but I recognize his name. Also, I love that you picked up on the connections with Ampharos! Those are definitely some of the reasons it's my favorite!
And for your next question: I think one of the obvious answers is, Fern, my fursona! It is, after all, a persona for myself. But I definitely have many other examples, as well. Another major one would be Ralsei from Deltarune. As Deltarune's chapters have released over the years and we've gotten to know the characters better, I have begun to see just how similar me and Ralsei are. Besides merely liking his design, I can see a lot of the good and bad parts of myself in him. We are both nice and friendly, even to a fault, and tend to put others before ourselves. We both have problems with feeling loved by others and instead feel as if we are self-reliant and don't like it when we take up space or impose ourselves on others. My relationship to Ralsei is maybe one of the more heavier ones haha. I also think that if I was an animal, I'd be a sheep. And I've always felt that if I was a character from Rain World, I'd be Spearmaster.
I really like the second part of your question, by the way! It's very interesting. I think that the best example of a character I've made that is not much like me, would be my OC Wallace. I don't believe that I mentioned him earlier, but he's from one of my older paracosms that I've sorta abandoned. Despite this, he lives on in my art and my mind. He is an old, transmasc, lesbian, computer in a (you guessed it) post-apocalyptic world. He works as a Private Investigator in the last standing city inhabited solely by robots. I don't think we are much alike apart from both being relatively reserved and quiet individuals. He tends to be standoffish and full of himself, and he doesn't like having any close friends or acquaintances. Despite our differences, I think he is still mine because, rather than representing someone I am or wish I was, he represents somebody I wish I knew. I think that our favorite characters either remind us of ourselves or somebody we admire, and he falls into the latter.
I enjoy our talks! Until next time,
Andie
to: Andie
from: Em
subject: What would you be in another world?
Andie,
Both times you've mentioned your Lighthouse story I have thought of my favorite music artist, Noah Kahan. He has an EP called "Cape Elizabeth" that I've always associated with New England and the album cover has a lighthouse on it. Although I haven't experienced direct attraction as you have, I associate objects and concepts very strongly with specific people. Many of my greatest comforts stem from their associations with people I love or a familiarity within myself. I googled Ampharos just to make sure I was thinking of the right pokemon (I was, yay!) and immediately saw a reddit post about how they are inspired by both lighthouses and sheep! Crazy combination of the paracosms you mentioned, they're made for you!
I agree with your answer! I think that in an odd way, perception is the only way we truly interact with the world. Everything we do or say is based on our interpretation of what's going on, so if it's the truth to us, it just...is. Although varying perspectives can make things difficult or make connection harder, I value it in the same way I value anything else innately human.
For your next thought food, what would you be in another world? It can be established fantasy or sci fi media, one you make up, or a parallel of our own world. I have many, so if you do, give me as many of them as you want to. After that, the opposite---what is a character you have created or love in existing media that is nothing like you? Why are they yours despite their difference from you?
All my appreciation,
Em
to: Em
from: Andie
subject: Re: Truth in Writing
Hi again Em,
I'm glad to have been the first objectum person you've met, and I don't mind explaining it at all! In general, objectum is usually the sexual attraction to objects or concepts, but I personally use the term to describe my romantic attraction, rather than sexual. I'm also POSIC (perception of object sentience, individuality, and consciousness), but that's a mouthful haha. The premise of my Lighthouse story is actually objectum! And speaking of, I'm also from the east coast, which inspired a lot of that story as well. Also, I love the Pokemon anime as well; my favorite is Ampharos!
I think that, rather than being connected in a physical way, my inner worlds are connected through themes. Many of them take place in similar settings or have similar overarching themes, though I imagine it wouldn't be hard for them to connected in a physical way for that reason. I've always loved anthologies that are set in a single world, maybe in different parts or at different times, and focus on separate people/groups of people. And I agree that it's a great way to process and manage mental health! I think we could all use good ways to do that.
What an interesting prompt--or list of prompts, rather! I think I'll answer the last one:
3. The way I see it, telling the truth almost always involved telling it slant. It feels natural to me--and I don't mean lying or such--but instead, I think that imbuing our stories and truths with out own perspective or even personalities is a crucial part of narration. To tell a truth as straight-forward as possible would produce a result that works better as a dissertation or research study. So for writers, I think it is good advice. Let your stories be shaped by your own self. Of course, challenge your biases and work to take other perspectives--as it can only enrich your work--but those other perspectives are perspectives, still.
Thank you for the conversation,
Andie
to: Andie
from: Em
subject: Truth in Writing
Andie,
I'm going to try to address things chronologically, so I hope my jumbled thoughts are somewhat comprehensible. First, I've never met someone who is objectum before! I had to google it. If you're comfortable, I'd love to know how you explain it. I'm from the southeast US! Truthfully, I don't know a lot of the media you mentioned but Deltarune looks super cool and I love Pokemon. I haven't read any of the manga but I've seen most of the animated series and I collect the cards--my favorite is Mimikyu! I totally agree with your comment about others' music taste, it gives me great insight. I haven't heard of Suzanne Vega before I love folk so I'll have to check her out!
I love that you have a collection of inner worlds! Mine has always been much more connected, definitely a smaller scale. Is there a visual way yours connect in your mind? Islands with bridges? Dots with strings? Planets in a solar system? I can't help but think of Inside Out! I also hope that this helps solidify your own storage system and fantasies, I think it's a great way to process and manage mental health.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think my quick reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for it's difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. Did Eve make the right choice?
2. Can a good person be a really good novelist?
3. "Tell all the truth...but tell it slant." - Emily Dickinson; Is this sound advice to writers?
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Em
to: Em
from: Andie
subject: Re: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
Hello Em!
This project sounds so cool!! I love the idea of collecting the self over time, and that of others as well. I can't wait to see where this goes and I'm so happy to be a part of it!
Here're my responses:
1. My name is Andie and I am a transgender, objectum lesbian from the southern United States. My favorite things would have to be Deltarune (which I've been obsessed with since early 2021), many comics and manga (such as Dog Haus, Pokemon Adventures, Laika's Comet), web development (my site on the indie web is transferns.neocities.org), and psychology (of which I am currently studying to get my degree in!) I love knowing what music people like because I feel like it adds a lot of depth to a person that isn't initially visible. Personally, my favorites are Bjork, Stereolab, Suzanne Vega, Taeko Onuki, and more!
2. Paracosms are something I've always been drawn to, but tend to be so amorphous and very much linked to my current moment, so I would say I agree with the definition you've provided. My current, major paracosm is something that I'm still working on (and likely always will be.) It revolves around my fursona, Fern, who, of my two fursonas, is more separate from myself, but still a version of me. It takes place on a world not too dissimilar from ours, that has undergone a mostly forgotten apocalypse (think Adventure Time.) The world is inhabited by anthropomorphic animals, like Fern. Fern, specifically, is what I call a "sheepthing." She is part sheep (valias blacknose) and part dragon. This world is not as fleshed out as I would like it to be but it is, in fairness, one of several inner worlds I have. Another--that I would like to novelize someday--is about a girl down on her luck, who finds herself working in a lighthouse. Only, as she slowly learns, the lighthouse is alive and she is the only one who has been able to hear her (the lighthouse) for centuries. In response to what my paracosms feel like: I would say I get very engrossed in them. I've always lived in my own head, I feel, so it's easy for my worlds to merge and it's almost impossible to keep them seperate. For every two thoughts about my real life, there's likely one about my inner worlds. I like to write down ideas but--unlike most things--I rarely forget them. Something I hope that I can gain from these conversations is a better understanding of my own paracosms, which I look forward to. :)
Thank you so much and have a wonderful day! Until next time,
Andie
to: Andie
from: Em
subject: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
from: Em, to: [redacted]
Most recent emails at the top. This participant has chosen to be anonymous.
to: Em
Em,
A paludarium would be so cool! My partner has really gotten into keeping aquariums over the last year (mostly with snails and shrimp), and he just recently got a small terrarium set up for a spider. I love just sitting and watching the critters move around. Out of curiosity, are you keeping any fish at the moment? If so, what kind?
Onto the questions - they are so interesting! I mulled over each of them for a while and ended up have the most thoughts about question 1: "Should anonymous posting online be forbidden?" It really struck me because this is not a proposition I've ever heard before and something I'd never really considered. But it's actually extremely relevant right now as different governments are rolling out Internet age verification laws, some requiring the use of IDs, which I can't help but feel is going to end in some sort of privacy/data/Internet safety disaster.
My quick and dirty answer is, no, anonymous posting online should not be forbidden. I have many reasons for this, but first I want to address aspects of my background that inform this opinion. (Warning: very long explanation incoming!)
For one thing, I was lucky enough to be a child during that short span of time when children (in the U.S.A., at least), were receiving very intense education about Internet safety. We were taught two main practices for keeping ourselves safe online: creating strong passwords and protecting our anonymity. Under no conditions should we reveal our real names, ages, locations, schools, photos of ourselves, or anything of that kind with strangers online. At the time, I think the adults were mostly scared of predators (fair enough), but that anonymity is also key to avoiding other threats - doxing, swatting, bullying, stalking, etc. To this day, I still think this is the absolute best way to be safe online and removing the ability to remain anonymous would strip everyone of that protection, both children and adults.
Secondly, I work in public libraries and am currently studying to be a librarian. When studying for an MLIS, you get the ALA Code of Ethics absolutely drilled into your head. Ethical statement number three reads as follows: "We protect each library user's right to privacy and confidentiality with respect to information sought or received and resources consulted, borrowed, acquired or transmitted." While this statement is specific to libraries and the conduct of workers, it implicitly suggests a crucial connection between privacy, confidentiality, and intellectual freedom. That is, the freedom to not only access all ideas and information, but to be able to do so without fear of legal or social consequences. This is the ethical framework that enables people to read from opposing political views without fearing judgment from their family/social circle; children to learn about queerness without fearing punishment from bigoted parents; survivors of domestic violence to access resources about how to leave without angering their abuser and further endangering themselves; heck, even for teens to be able to learn about safe sex without being made fun of by their peers. Maybe the rare person is absolutely immune to social pressures or anxieties of any kind and would be okay with everyone knowing everything they'd ever read or looked up. But any legitimate project in support of intellectual freedom will take into consideration that people's social relationships and reputations do play into choices around information access.
That brings me to my thoughts on anonymous posting. I suppose posting is different from merely accessing. There is more responsibility inherent to posting than to just looking or reading. When looking at this question, I felt the best way to address it was to wonder, before anything else: what would the reasons be for forbidding anonymous posting?
I can think of only a few, with the most well-intentioned one being the prevention of online bullying and harassment, and the promotion of more positive online behaviors. This would be a fair enough thought to have. I've often heard people speak as if anonymity automatically encourages, or at least emboldens, people to be crueler or worse-behaved online. I used to take this as a fact, but the more life I've lived, the more I've begun to question it. After all, children cruelly bully each other face-to-face in schools all the time; most of the time, people are hurt and abused by people they know really well. I've worked retail, and am no stranger to people being rude directly to my face, often unprompted - they don't care that I'll remember what they look like and know their real name. Luckily, many of us don't have to deal with this every single day because we're limited to the community directly around us. But when you're online, billions of people can encounter your Internet presence and the chances are that you'll simply encounter more assholes. Anonymity may slightly embolden some people to engage in this behavior more often or more intensely, but modern Internet culture, where people behave with less concern around their privacy, shows that many people willing to behave negatively toward others will do so whether they're anonymous or not. Really, from what I've observed, it's the algorithmic incentives to ragebait or inflame that cause more of an issue.
These observations make me think, when imagining a world with no anonymous posting, that there would still be plenty of hateful and cruel behaviors running rampant. The only difference? The victims of those behaviors would lose the protection they could have gotten from being anonymous. Now their aggressors know their real name and could find more information about them if they wanted to escalate; the victim no longer has the option to merely delete their old account and start a new one that the aggressor doesn't know about. A person's bullies would always be able to find them wherever they posted online. I don't think that creates a safer or more pleasant Internet. It comes down to that ever-present divide in perspective between those focused on harm reduction and survivor well-being vs. those who care more about the concept of punishment or retribution. Personally, I will usually tend toward prioritizing materially positive outcomes than spending my time on the abstraction of "balancing the scales." Blocking and reporting function just about the same whether the accounts involved are anonymous or not.
The other possible reasons for wanting this change are more nefarious - surveillance and censorship. Anonymity both in-person and online is crucial for many social/activist movements to mobilize effectively and safely. Stripping people of the ability to be anonymous online would be a boon to any fascist-leaning government, such as the one the U.S. is currently under. Perhaps it's one of my more controversial takes, but I believe that the law does not equate to morality; oftentimes, the law is actually quite immoral. Therefore, I will always seek to protect access to those gray areas beyond/outside of the law. This includes the physical means of anonymity (masks, burner phones, etc.) that allow protestors to block roads or spray paint walls without being caught by the police; and the digital anonymity that allows them to organize and connect in the first place. It may sound dramatic, but imagine the watch lists a police state could create by aggregating everything people have posted online? And that does not even touch upon how corporations could use this lack of anonymity to double their data-mining and targeted advertising efforts (ugh).
I hope I managed to convey my reasoning in an understandable way. I had many thoughts flying around in my head, and really had to keep myself from going on some extreme tangents.
Thank you for providing such good food for thought,
[redacted]
to: [redacted]
[redacted],
So lovely to meet you! If I had known that there was a level of stress involved in responding, I would have said not to worry about it. However, I am glad that you did overcome that anxiety and I don't find your responses embarrassing in the slightest. If it's okay with you, I'll just remove all identifying features (name and site name) but leave your reasoning for being anonymous.
I adored your favorites list! It's such a collection and I can see a glimpse of you in it. I can't explain it, but "poems about kitchens or being angry at your country" seem similar in some strange way; I think it's the familiarity paired with the desire to tidy. Riparian zones--yes! I love riparian zones and while I have always kept fish tanks, I want to construct paludariums at some point to mimic riparian ecosystems. The plant life is unmatched!
I think escapism is a huge part of brain storage, even if it isn't directly tied to thoughts or memories. I don't find any of what you described embarrassing--it's your world, you are allowed to be the main character. I've always wanted to exist in a world with magic, though I think mine is less about myself being more interesting, and more about being connected to something. Magic is always established to flow through things and characters are often "chosen" by the magic. That's embarrassing, if anything, my desire to know that I would be worthy.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think the speed of my reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. You can also drop out any time! For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for its difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. Should anonymous posting online be forbidden? (I thought this was relevant to your situation, just curious about your thoughts.)
2. ‘Art is anything you can get away with’ (ANDY WARHOL). Discuss.
3. Which book(s) would you ban?
Looking forward to picking your brain,
Em
P.S. I realized I'm sorta just asking y'all to pour your hearts out to a stranger. Letting you know I am open to questions as well or can send a little intro if you would like. You don't need to ask anything, but I wanted to put it out there for comfort's sake. :)
to: Em
Hi Em,
It's nice to meet you! I'm [redacted], and I came across your wonderful site via NeoCities. I'm very intrigued by this project and I'm so excited to see what comes out of it. I apologize for the delayed response - I became a bit embarrassed about the idea of explaining my paracosm, but I think it's a good thing for me to overcome that feeling. It's okay with me if you post my answers somewhere, though I think I'd like to remain anonymous if that's alright.
Now, to answer your questions: My favorite stories are the kinds that are uncanny, introspective, and a bit strange. Some of my favorite novels are The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa and The Wall by Marlen Haushofer. I also love the works of Haruki Murakami, Kurt Vonnegut, Shirley Jackson, and Olga Tokarczuk. Some of my favorite films are Donnie Darko, Angel's Egg, and August in the Water among others. My favorite band is Primus (I've seen them live three times and counting), and I also really love Morphine, Portishead, and Bjork. My favorite artist is Hilma af Klint. My favorite sensation is putting on dry clothes after being in the rain. My favorite place I've traveled to is Vienna, Austria. My favorite animals are bats and Pacific lamprey. I love thunderstorms, daffodils, used books, marginalia, poems about kitchens or being angry at your country, lattes, libraries, riparian zones... I have a lot of favorite things. I've had more or less the same paracosm since early adolescence. In my youth, I gravitated a lot toward monster-of-the-week type shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, or Supernatural, where witches, demons, vampires, ghosts, and beyond all lived alongside the mundane world. This is pretty much the shape my paracosm takes - a small, mysterious, cloudy city (not dissimilar in appearance to the one my family and I ended up moving to after I first envisioned my paracosm, oddly enough), bordered by deep forests and mountains, populated with all sorts of supernatural beings and phenomena. Basically, a place where weird things happen. Even to those who only see the mundane parts of the city, it all seems slightly off, a little bit spooky. There's a system to how the magic works, and a realm of subterranean politics that the supernatural beings mostly abide by. Throughout my life, any time I am bored, or feeling detached, apathetic, depressed, etc., I daydream various stories unfolding in this world; I sometimes write them down, sometimes don't. The part that I'm embarrassed about is the fact that, in my paracosm and its stories, I'm more or less the main character. Or, I should say, a different version of myself - an exaggerated, more interesting version of me, who is a witch with supernatural powers and usually has whatever my real life "dream job" is at any given time. This character solves local mysteries with her powers while also falling into a romance with an irritating-but-loyal demon. My paracosm isn't really associated with how I perceive/store thoughts and memories - it's more of a detailed, long-term daydream that I can easily slip in and out of when I don't feel like being present, or when I feel lost or dull in my everyday life. Oddly enough, I don't really have a way that I perceive my thoughts & memories - they're just kind of there. They're pretty immediate, and I can never answer the question of whether they're visual, auditory, or anything else. I guess you could say I experience them without perceiving them, per se, if that's even possible.
I hope my answers are of interest or are helpful to your project.
Warmly,
[redacted]
to: [redacted]
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em
to: Em
from: [redacted]
subject: Re: Anonymous Posting
Em,
A paludarium would be so cool! My partner has really gotten into keeping aquariums over the last year (mostly with snails and shrimp), and he just recently got a small terrarium set up for a spider. I love just sitting and watching the critters move around. Out of curiosity, are you keeping any fish at the moment? If so, what kind?
Onto the questions - they are so interesting! I mulled over each of them for a while and ended up have the most thoughts about question 1: "Should anonymous posting online be forbidden?" It really struck me because this is not a proposition I've ever heard before and something I'd never really considered. But it's actually extremely relevant right now as different governments are rolling out Internet age verification laws, some requiring the use of IDs, which I can't help but feel is going to end in some sort of privacy/data/Internet safety disaster.
My quick and dirty answer is, no, anonymous posting online should not be forbidden. I have many reasons for this, but first I want to address aspects of my background that inform this opinion. (Warning: very long explanation incoming!)
For one thing, I was lucky enough to be a child during that short span of time when children (in the U.S.A., at least), were receiving very intense education about Internet safety. We were taught two main practices for keeping ourselves safe online: creating strong passwords and protecting our anonymity. Under no conditions should we reveal our real names, ages, locations, schools, photos of ourselves, or anything of that kind with strangers online. At the time, I think the adults were mostly scared of predators (fair enough), but that anonymity is also key to avoiding other threats - doxing, swatting, bullying, stalking, etc. To this day, I still think this is the absolute best way to be safe online and removing the ability to remain anonymous would strip everyone of that protection, both children and adults.
Secondly, I work in public libraries and am currently studying to be a librarian. When studying for an MLIS, you get the ALA Code of Ethics absolutely drilled into your head. Ethical statement number three reads as follows: "We protect each library user's right to privacy and confidentiality with respect to information sought or received and resources consulted, borrowed, acquired or transmitted." While this statement is specific to libraries and the conduct of workers, it implicitly suggests a crucial connection between privacy, confidentiality, and intellectual freedom. That is, the freedom to not only access all ideas and information, but to be able to do so without fear of legal or social consequences. This is the ethical framework that enables people to read from opposing political views without fearing judgment from their family/social circle; children to learn about queerness without fearing punishment from bigoted parents; survivors of domestic violence to access resources about how to leave without angering their abuser and further endangering themselves; heck, even for teens to be able to learn about safe sex without being made fun of by their peers. Maybe the rare person is absolutely immune to social pressures or anxieties of any kind and would be okay with everyone knowing everything they'd ever read or looked up. But any legitimate project in support of intellectual freedom will take into consideration that people's social relationships and reputations do play into choices around information access.
That brings me to my thoughts on anonymous posting. I suppose posting is different from merely accessing. There is more responsibility inherent to posting than to just looking or reading. When looking at this question, I felt the best way to address it was to wonder, before anything else: what would the reasons be for forbidding anonymous posting?
I can think of only a few, with the most well-intentioned one being the prevention of online bullying and harassment, and the promotion of more positive online behaviors. This would be a fair enough thought to have. I've often heard people speak as if anonymity automatically encourages, or at least emboldens, people to be crueler or worse-behaved online. I used to take this as a fact, but the more life I've lived, the more I've begun to question it. After all, children cruelly bully each other face-to-face in schools all the time; most of the time, people are hurt and abused by people they know really well. I've worked retail, and am no stranger to people being rude directly to my face, often unprompted - they don't care that I'll remember what they look like and know their real name. Luckily, many of us don't have to deal with this every single day because we're limited to the community directly around us. But when you're online, billions of people can encounter your Internet presence and the chances are that you'll simply encounter more assholes. Anonymity may slightly embolden some people to engage in this behavior more often or more intensely, but modern Internet culture, where people behave with less concern around their privacy, shows that many people willing to behave negatively toward others will do so whether they're anonymous or not. Really, from what I've observed, it's the algorithmic incentives to ragebait or inflame that cause more of an issue.
These observations make me think, when imagining a world with no anonymous posting, that there would still be plenty of hateful and cruel behaviors running rampant. The only difference? The victims of those behaviors would lose the protection they could have gotten from being anonymous. Now their aggressors know their real name and could find more information about them if they wanted to escalate; the victim no longer has the option to merely delete their old account and start a new one that the aggressor doesn't know about. A person's bullies would always be able to find them wherever they posted online. I don't think that creates a safer or more pleasant Internet. It comes down to that ever-present divide in perspective between those focused on harm reduction and survivor well-being vs. those who care more about the concept of punishment or retribution. Personally, I will usually tend toward prioritizing materially positive outcomes than spending my time on the abstraction of "balancing the scales." Blocking and reporting function just about the same whether the accounts involved are anonymous or not.
The other possible reasons for wanting this change are more nefarious - surveillance and censorship. Anonymity both in-person and online is crucial for many social/activist movements to mobilize effectively and safely. Stripping people of the ability to be anonymous online would be a boon to any fascist-leaning government, such as the one the U.S. is currently under. Perhaps it's one of my more controversial takes, but I believe that the law does not equate to morality; oftentimes, the law is actually quite immoral. Therefore, I will always seek to protect access to those gray areas beyond/outside of the law. This includes the physical means of anonymity (masks, burner phones, etc.) that allow protestors to block roads or spray paint walls without being caught by the police; and the digital anonymity that allows them to organize and connect in the first place. It may sound dramatic, but imagine the watch lists a police state could create by aggregating everything people have posted online? And that does not even touch upon how corporations could use this lack of anonymity to double their data-mining and targeted advertising efforts (ugh).
I hope I managed to convey my reasoning in an understandable way. I had many thoughts flying around in my head, and really had to keep myself from going on some extreme tangents.
Thank you for providing such good food for thought,
[redacted]
to: [redacted]
from: Em
subject: Anonymous Posting
[redacted],
So lovely to meet you! If I had known that there was a level of stress involved in responding, I would have said not to worry about it. However, I am glad that you did overcome that anxiety and I don't find your responses embarrassing in the slightest. If it's okay with you, I'll just remove all identifying features (name and site name) but leave your reasoning for being anonymous.
I adored your favorites list! It's such a collection and I can see a glimpse of you in it. I can't explain it, but "poems about kitchens or being angry at your country" seem similar in some strange way; I think it's the familiarity paired with the desire to tidy. Riparian zones--yes! I love riparian zones and while I have always kept fish tanks, I want to construct paludariums at some point to mimic riparian ecosystems. The plant life is unmatched!
I think escapism is a huge part of brain storage, even if it isn't directly tied to thoughts or memories. I don't find any of what you described embarrassing--it's your world, you are allowed to be the main character. I've always wanted to exist in a world with magic, though I think mine is less about myself being more interesting, and more about being connected to something. Magic is always established to flow through things and characters are often "chosen" by the magic. That's embarrassing, if anything, my desire to know that I would be worthy.
I'm replying to emails as I get them, but please don't think the speed of my reply means that I require it. You are the one to set the timeline for this, as the project revolves around your perspective and healthy rumination. You can also drop out any time! For my next "prompt", I am picking a question for each participant from the exam questions for All Souls College, an Oxford college specializing in theoretical sciences. The exam is renowned for its difficulty, and I invite you to explore the question rather than need a straightforward answer. For you, I offer three options--feel free to explore them all, but I am only giving three so you have a choice!
1. Should anonymous posting online be forbidden? (I thought this was relevant to your situation, just curious about your thoughts.)
2. ‘Art is anything you can get away with’ (ANDY WARHOL). Discuss.
3. Which book(s) would you ban?
Looking forward to picking your brain,
Em
P.S. I realized I'm sorta just asking y'all to pour your hearts out to a stranger. Letting you know I am open to questions as well or can send a little intro if you would like. You don't need to ask anything, but I wanted to put it out there for comfort's sake. :)
to: Em
from: [redacted]
subject: Re: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
Hi Em,
It's nice to meet you! I'm [redacted], and I came across your wonderful site via NeoCities. I'm very intrigued by this project and I'm so excited to see what comes out of it. I apologize for the delayed response - I became a bit embarrassed about the idea of explaining my paracosm, but I think it's a good thing for me to overcome that feeling. It's okay with me if you post my answers somewhere, though I think I'd like to remain anonymous if that's alright.
Now, to answer your questions: My favorite stories are the kinds that are uncanny, introspective, and a bit strange. Some of my favorite novels are The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa and The Wall by Marlen Haushofer. I also love the works of Haruki Murakami, Kurt Vonnegut, Shirley Jackson, and Olga Tokarczuk. Some of my favorite films are Donnie Darko, Angel's Egg, and August in the Water among others. My favorite band is Primus (I've seen them live three times and counting), and I also really love Morphine, Portishead, and Bjork. My favorite artist is Hilma af Klint. My favorite sensation is putting on dry clothes after being in the rain. My favorite place I've traveled to is Vienna, Austria. My favorite animals are bats and Pacific lamprey. I love thunderstorms, daffodils, used books, marginalia, poems about kitchens or being angry at your country, lattes, libraries, riparian zones... I have a lot of favorite things. I've had more or less the same paracosm since early adolescence. In my youth, I gravitated a lot toward monster-of-the-week type shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, or Supernatural, where witches, demons, vampires, ghosts, and beyond all lived alongside the mundane world. This is pretty much the shape my paracosm takes - a small, mysterious, cloudy city (not dissimilar in appearance to the one my family and I ended up moving to after I first envisioned my paracosm, oddly enough), bordered by deep forests and mountains, populated with all sorts of supernatural beings and phenomena. Basically, a place where weird things happen. Even to those who only see the mundane parts of the city, it all seems slightly off, a little bit spooky. There's a system to how the magic works, and a realm of subterranean politics that the supernatural beings mostly abide by. Throughout my life, any time I am bored, or feeling detached, apathetic, depressed, etc., I daydream various stories unfolding in this world; I sometimes write them down, sometimes don't. The part that I'm embarrassed about is the fact that, in my paracosm and its stories, I'm more or less the main character. Or, I should say, a different version of myself - an exaggerated, more interesting version of me, who is a witch with supernatural powers and usually has whatever my real life "dream job" is at any given time. This character solves local mysteries with her powers while also falling into a romance with an irritating-but-loyal demon. My paracosm isn't really associated with how I perceive/store thoughts and memories - it's more of a detailed, long-term daydream that I can easily slip in and out of when I don't feel like being present, or when I feel lost or dull in my everyday life. Oddly enough, I don't really have a way that I perceive my thoughts & memories - they're just kind of there. They're pretty immediate, and I can never answer the question of whether they're visual, auditory, or anything else. I guess you could say I experience them without perceiving them, per se, if that's even possible.
I hope my answers are of interest or are helpful to your project.
Warmly,
[redacted]
to: [redacted]
from: Em
subject: Welcome to the Paracosm Project
From my world to yours,
This is hopefully the beginning of an entanglement, especially if we aren’t already friends. I’m sending this first letter to each person that volunteered, so it’s not personalized–sorry. I’m going to briefly describe the project and then prompt a response from you if you decide you would like to participate. No pressure if it sounds anxiety inducing or like too much work. In advance, I talk a lot–I invite you to as well.
I have a website called Paracosm. It’s a hand coded site on the indie web, a section of the internet dedicated to intentional engagement separate from algorithms. I encourage you to explore it! There are several hosts but I use Neocities as a way to explore others’ sites. If you’re here from Neocities, hi guys! I’m going to link my site at the end of this, please keep in mind it is in progress and intended to be viewed on laptop or desktop. Once I add the section for this (my “Backyard” page), I will link it to you. The website is a collection of things from my life contributing to who I am now and going forward. My goal with this mini project is to collect the same from others.
Warning you now, your answers will be published there for approximately 100-300 viewers a day. If there’s ever an answer you don’t want published, you can skip out on one or two prompts, just let me know it’s only for our eyes! True to the pen pal style, I think it’ll only be a prompt or two a week and you’ll have as much time as you want to get back to me.
Okay! If you made it this far, and are still interested, here’s your two tasks:
1. Who are you? Tell me in favorites–books, movies, shows, music artists, items you own, things in the world, anything else. Give me the reason or story if you’d like, or don’t.
2. What does your inner world look like? A paracosm is a detailed imaginary world that the creator has a complex and deeply felt relationship with. Do you think this describes your inner world? Yes or no, what is it like up there? How do you perceive and store thoughts and memories?
Thank you in advance and with warmth,
Em